Music

Sleep Token Who? The Deftones-Inspired Sleep Tolkien Is Your New Musical Obsession!

If you’re a fan of Sleep Token, the British atmospheric metal band known for their cryptic, emotional performances, then it’s time to set your…

Music

Ed Sheeran’s ‘Eyes Closed’: World Ponders, Is the Apocalypse Upon Us?

NORWICH, UK – Just when the world believed it had reached peak suffering, Ed Sheeran, ginger-haired bard of the millennial age, has unleashed his…

Music

Slipknot Fans Rejoice as Corey Taylor Leads Successful Coup in Australia

Sydney, Australia – Heavy metal band Slipknot has caused a stir in the land down under by leading a successful coup against the Australian…

Life & Style

Federal Reserve Insists Economy is Simultaneously Soaring and Crashing

WASHINGTON D.C. – The Federal Reserve, led by Chair Jerome H. Powell, who may or may not be a time-traveling wizard, announced today that…

Science & Technology

Crypto Scammers Hack Linus Tech Tips: Fans Devastated by Channel’s Swift Return

Vancouver, BC – Fans of the popular YouTube channel Linus Tech Tips were recently thrown for a loop when the account was hacked by…

Politics

Ted Cruz Dodges Zodiac Accusations as Trump Indictment Grabs Spotlight: Snack Attacks Ensue

Washington, D.C. – Senator Ted Cruz can finally breathe a sigh of relief as Donald Trump’s recent New York indictment rumors have captured the…

Politics

Donald Trump to Be Indicted for Leaving Toilet Seat Up in 2017

New York, NY – Former President Donald Trump has been indicted by New York District Attorney Alvin Bragg for the heinous crime of leaving…

Life & Style

Special Investigation: Vegan Who Refuses to Use Fluoride Toothpaste, Eat Meat, or Anything Unnatural Definitely Going to Take MDMA Pills Made in a Bathtub, Later Tonight at a Club

Self-proclaimed “pure” vegan was caught on camera purchasing a bag of illegal MDMA pills, made in a bathtub, at a club later tonight. The…

Politics

Big Apple Turned Orange: Donald Trump Seizes Control of NYPD and Declares Himself King of New York

New York, NY – In a masterful display of political maneuvering, former President Donald Trump has seized control of the New York Police Department,…

Music

Father John Misty Becomes Priest After Years of Singing Profanities

After years of singing profanities and writing songs about the dark side of life, singer-songwriter Father John Misty has decided to take a new…