Author
Author: Martin Finch
Martin Finch covers general assignment stories for VanFLIP, from civic theater and brand misfires to the little rituals public figures use when they are trying not to apologize. He has a soft spot for cats, a firm belief that most meetings should have been a sandwich, and an enduring loyalty to steak cooked simply, preferably by someone who does not describe it as a concept.
General assignment, civic theater, and cultural oddities
Martin Finch covers general assignment stories for VanFLIP, from civic theater and brand misfires to the little rituals public figures use when they are trying not to apologize. He has a soft spot for cats, a firm belief that most meetings should have been a sandwich, and an enduring loyalty to steak cooked simply, preferably by someone who does not describe it as a concept.
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Life & Style
Dad’s Nice Shirt Raises Questions About His Intentions
It’s a scene that plays out in households across the country every day: Dad getting dressed up for a special occasion. But tonight’s occasion…
· By Martin Finch
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Entertainment
Tom Cruise Unveils Secret to Eternal Youth
In an exclusive interview that has left fans and skeptics bewildered, Hollywood icon and seemingly ageless wonder Tom Cruise has finally revealed the secret…
· By Martin Finch
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Life & Style
Groundbreaking Study Confirms Microwaving Smarties: Unlock the Ultimate Candy Experience, Enhance Your Intellectual Prowess
Brace yourselves, you sugar-obsessed pseudo-intellectuals: A team of dexterous scientists at the highly prestigious Albuquerque Candy Research Institute (ACRI) have unequivocally validated what you’ve…
· By Martin Finch
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Life & Style
Sick of Ticketmaster’s Astronomical Fees? Tough Luck, Pal: There’s No Escape from This Money-Sucking Giant!
It’s a tale as old as time: anxiously waiting for your favorite band’s concert tickets to go on sale, only to have your excitement…
· By Martin Finch
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Politics
Sleepy Joe Gets a Pillow Upgrade – Will This Give the President 2 More IQ Points?
Washington D.C. – Just when you thought President Joe Biden’s sleepy image couldn’t get any sleepier, he proves us all wrong with a revolutionary…
· By Martin Finch
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Life & Style
Company Runs Escape Room Team Bonding Exercise, Forgets to Leave a Window Open
SAN FRANCISCO – To boost morale and promote camaraderie, local tech start-up ByteNite thought, “Hey, why not try an escape room bonding exercise?” Little…
· By Martin Finch -
Music
Spreading the Love: Pearl Jam’s New Jam and Preserve Empire Proves They Can Rock Your Bread Too
Forget arenas and record albums; rockers Pearl Jam are about to dominate kitchen shelves everywhere. The iconic ’90s grunge band announced today that they…
· By Martin Finch
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Life & Style
What is a Woman?” Asks Incel, Who Hasn’t Lost His Virginity Yet
Hunkered down in his basement lair, surrounded by an assortment of waifu body pillows, 32-year-old self-proclaimed involuntary celibate (incel) Kevin McMasterson has embarked on…
· By Martin Finch -
Life & Style
Chaos in the Coop: KFC Unveils Emergency Protocols Amid Fears of Zombie Colonel Sanders’ Revival and Cravings for Employee Brains
LOUISVILLE, KY – An unauthorized peek at KFC’s top-secret playbook for dealing with potential crises has exposed a truly fowl scenario: one in which…
· By Martin Finch
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Life & Style
“I’m a Dog Mom!” Boasts Woman Condescendingly to Exhausted Newborn Parents
(New York, NY) At a local Starbucks on a sunny afternoon, tired newborn parents Sarah and Mike Thompson sipped their much-needed coffee while juggling…
· By Martin Finch