Author
Author: Martin Finch
Martin Finch covers general assignment stories for VanFLIP, from civic theater and brand misfires to the little rituals public figures use when they are trying not to apologize. He has a soft spot for cats, a firm belief that most meetings should have been a sandwich, and an enduring loyalty to steak cooked simply, preferably by someone who does not describe it as a concept.
General assignment, civic theater, and cultural oddities
Martin Finch covers general assignment stories for VanFLIP, from civic theater and brand misfires to the little rituals public figures use when they are trying not to apologize. He has a soft spot for cats, a firm belief that most meetings should have been a sandwich, and an enduring loyalty to steak cooked simply, preferably by someone who does not describe it as a concept.
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Entertainment
Equality! All-Female LGBTQI+ Titanic Reboot Set to Sink the Patriarchy!
In what is being labelled as a ground-breaking feminist achievement, Hollywood has announced an all-female, LGBTQI+-inclusive reboot of the classic 1997 film Titanic. This…
· By Martin Finch
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Entertainment
Federal Reserve Declares Swiftian Economy: ‘Tay-Tay is our New Gold Standard,’ Claims Non-Tour Cities are Doomed!
In a world where pop music is the new gold standard, America’s sweetheart Taylor Swift is now the unofficial poster child for economic prosperity.…
· By Martin Finch
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Quizes
Is Your Mechanic Ripping You Off? Take This Quiz to Find Out!
You pull up to the auto shop for a routine check-up, and your mechanic, with his hands covered in grease, gives you some concerning…
· By Martin Finch
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Music
A Whiff of Wellness: Tom Morello Confesses to Smelling His Own Farts for Holistic Healing
Tom Morello has come forth with a bizarre yet oddly endearing admission: He sniffs his own farts in pursuit of holistic health benefits. Morello,…
· By Martin Finch
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Politics
BREAKING: Puppet Masters Caught Red-Handed as Joe Biden’s Speech Reveals Obvious String Attachments!
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The mystery surrounding President Joe Biden’s seemingly unnatural movements and speeches has finally been answered! During a particularly heated political discourse,…
· By Martin Finch
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Science & Technology
Harvard’s Groundbreaking Revelation: Rust Programmers Claim Superior IQs but Grapple with “Shrimpy Schlong Syndrome”
In the hallowed halls of Harvard University, where knowledge pours from every corner like a perpetual coffee machine, an unprecedented study has rocketed out…
· By Martin Finch
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Life & Style
Axe Body Spray’s Hidden Agenda to Boost Military Enlistment Uncovered
The makers of Axe body spray have long kept a secret from American consumers, leaving them in the dark to bask in the intoxicating…
· By Martin Finch
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Music
Kings of Leon to Set Ablaze the Entire Stadium with Exclusive ‘Sex on Fire’ Concert!
Nashville, TN – In an unprecedented move with fans reaching for their extinguishers, Kings of Leon announced today their plans for a one-night-only concert…
· By Martin Finch
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Science & Technology
Former Crypto Bro Turned AI Bro Announces He Is Pivoting Back To Crypto
Just when you thought the yo-yo antics of tech moguls couldn’t get any more nausea-inducing, here comes our favorite silicon valley chameleon, Brad Barkley,…
· By Martin Finch
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Music
André 3000 Gets Cancelled: Outkast Star Outcasted as Internet Tears Apart His Legacy
Atlanta, GA – In a display of woke gone wrong social media solidarity, Twitter users have banded together to cancel André 3000, the beloved…
· By Martin Finch