Archive
Year: 2024
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Music
Breaking News: Tosin Abasi Unveils His Secret Sauce to Musical Success – You Won’t Believe What He Says Next!
NEW YORK, NY – Tosin Abasi, the enigmatic and suave motherfucker from the progressive metal band Animals As Leaders, has finally revealed his secret…
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Opinion
OMG, I Did Cocaine With Lana Del Rey Last Night at This Super Cool LA Nightclub! But Did She Even Notice Me?
Last night, I found myself in the most unbelievable situation of my life: I did cocaine with the one and only Lana Del Rey…
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Music
EXCLUSIVE: Misha Mansoor Caught in Scandalous Orgy with Periphery Fans
Renowned progressive metal guitarist Misha Mansoor, better known by his stage name “Bulb,” was caught red-handed in a scandalous orgy with a group of…
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Music
Ronnie Radke: The Peeing Messiah of Modern Music
Falling In Reverse’s enigmatic frontman, Ronnie Radke, has recently been caught in a controversy following a series of inexplicable public urination incidents. As expected,…
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Entertainment
How Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour is Fueling Climate Change and Making Billionaires Richer
In a world where a massive, glowing corporate emblem has replaced the sun, and the air we breathe is as thick and viscous as…
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Entertainment
Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour Saves Australia from Catastrophic Recession, But at What Cost?
The nation teetered on the edge of economic collapse in the sun-drenched expanse known as Australia—home to kangaroos, Vegemite, and an alarming variety of…
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Science & Technology
Elon Musk’s New Space Toilet: The Sh*t That Blew Up His Mars Plans
Once upon a time, in a galaxy not so far away, there was a man named Elon Musk. He was a billionaire with a…
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Music
Corey Taylor Weighs In On the Shape of the Earth: “It’s Complicated, But Also, Not Really”
Corey Taylor, the Slipknot frontman known for his insightful commentary on everything from the existential dread of existence to the correct method of eating…
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Music
Review: SUPERBLOOM by Silent Planet
Buckle up for a journey into the latest auditory anomaly unleashed by the paradoxically named Silent Planet with their album SUPERBLOOM. This album screams…
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Music
Jordan Fish of Bring Me The Horizon Inks Multi-Year Deal with Architects
Jordan Fish, the synth maestro of Bring Me The Horizon, has inked a historic multi-year contract with rival band Architects. The contract, rumored to…
