The fast-food giant Taco Bell has announced they are hiring convicted child molester and former Subway spokesperson Jared Fogle as their new Director of Prison Marketing.
“We realized that the prison market is a untapped goldmine,” said Taco Bell CEO Brian Niccol in a press release. “And who better to help us tap into that market than Jared? He’s already spent a significant amount of time behind bars and has a lot of experience with the target demographic.“
Sources close to Fogle say he is thrilled to join the Taco Bell team and looks forward to “spicing up” the prison food scene. “Jared is excited to bring a little bit of the outside world to those who are locked up,” said a friend of Fogle who wished to remain anonymous. “And what better way to do that than with a cheesy gordita crunch?“
In addition to his marketing duties, Fogle will also be helping out in the kitchen, experimenting with new menu items such as “The Con-Quesadilla” and “The Jailhouse Burrito.”
Taco Bell’s competitors are already feeling the heat from the new hire. “This is a low blow,” said a spokesperson for Subway. “We’re just glad Jared is no longer associated with our brand.”
Prison officials have also expressed concern about the new partnership, with one spokesperson stating, “We’re worried that this might lead to a black market for Taco Bell sauce packets.“
Despite the backlash, Taco Bell is standing by its decision to hire Fogle. “We believe in second chances,” said Niccol. “Plus, he’s really good at footlongs.“