Music

Periphery Fans Pretend Microphone Still Works at Sold-Out Show

At Periphery’s latest concert, the microphone stopped working halfway through the band’s set, and fans pretended as though nothing was wrong. “It was honestly…

Science & Technology

Neural DSP Declares End to Capitalism with Archetype: Tom Morello

HELSINKI, FINLAND — In a ballsy move that would make Karl Marx break into an air guitar solo, Neural DSP has just announced the…

Politics

DeSantis Announces Presidency Amidst Sound of Crashing Servers, North Korea Sends Congrats

SAN FRANCISCO – North Korea congratulates Florida Governor Ron DeSantis on his successful 2024 presidential campaign launch. The announcement, delivered via a Twitter Space…

Life & Style

McDonald’s Sours Soft Serve Fans with News of Extinct Ice Cream Creature

McDonald’s loyal customers were left in shock and dismayed today as the fast food giant announced that the creature from which the crucial ingredient…

Entertainment

Chris Brown Proves That Beating Women Is the Key to Success

Are you tired of working hard and not seeing any results in your career? Well, look no further than Chris Brown, the ultimate example…

Music

Sleep Token Frontman Forced to Trade Mic for Dishwashing Gloves After Skipping Out on Restaurant Bill

The enigmatic frontman of Sleep Token, known only as “The Vessel,” was spotted scrubbing dishes at a local restaurant after reportedly being unable to…

Science & Technology

Elon Musk’s death beam satellite: a game-changer or a recipe for disaster?

In an announcement that surprised no one, Elon Musk revealed that his latest invention, a death beam satellite, is almost complete. But fear not.…

Life & Style

Exhausted Soccer Mom Delivers Knockout Blow to Conor McGregor in Walmart Parking Lot Brawl

It was a typical Tuesday evening at the local Walmart parking lot when washed-up drunk and former UFC champion Conor McGregor met his match.…

Music

Blink 182’s Linguistic Incompetence: A Study in Mispronunciation

It’s a question that has plagued music enthusiasts for decades: why do band’s like Blink 182 insist on mispronouncing words like “head”? After extensive…

Music

It’s Official: It’s 2023 and Headless Guitars Are Cancelled

After decades of experimentation and misguided attempts at innovation, guitarists everywhere have finally come to their senses and realized that headless guitars are, in…