Politics

Operation ‘I Can’t Quit the Drone Life’: Former President Barack Obama Literally Hits the Ground Running, Trading in Golf Clubs for Bomber Drone Joysticks

If you thought former President Barack Obama had all his bases covered after leaving the White House, think again! Just when you thought those…

Entertainment

Equality! All-Female LGBTQI+ Titanic Reboot Set to Sink the Patriarchy!

In what is being labelled as a ground-breaking feminist achievement, Hollywood has announced an all-female, LGBTQI+-inclusive reboot of the classic 1997 film Titanic. This…

Entertainment

Federal Reserve Declares Swiftian Economy: ‘Tay-Tay is our New Gold Standard,’ Claims Non-Tour Cities are Doomed!

In a world where pop music is the new gold standard, America’s sweetheart Taylor Swift is now the unofficial poster child for economic prosperity.…

Quizes

Is Your Mechanic Ripping You Off? Take This Quiz to Find Out!

You pull up to the auto shop for a routine check-up, and your mechanic, with his hands covered in grease, gives you some concerning…

Music

A Whiff of Wellness: Tom Morello Confesses to Smelling His Own Farts for Holistic Healing

Tom Morello has come forth with a bizarre yet oddly endearing admission: He sniffs his own farts in pursuit of holistic health benefits. Morello,…

Politics

BREAKING: Puppet Masters Caught Red-Handed as Joe Biden’s Speech Reveals Obvious String Attachments!

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The mystery surrounding President Joe Biden’s seemingly unnatural movements and speeches has finally been answered! During a particularly heated political discourse,…

Science & Technology

Harvard’s Groundbreaking Revelation: Rust Programmers Claim Superior IQs but Grapple with “Shrimpy Schlong Syndrome”

In the hallowed halls of Harvard University, where knowledge pours from every corner like a perpetual coffee machine, an unprecedented study has rocketed out…

Life & Style

Axe Body Spray’s Hidden Agenda to Boost Military Enlistment Uncovered

The makers of Axe body spray have long kept a secret from American consumers, leaving them in the dark to bask in the intoxicating…

Music

Kings of Leon to Set Ablaze the Entire Stadium with Exclusive ‘Sex on Fire’ Concert!

Nashville, TN – In an unprecedented move with fans reaching for their extinguishers, Kings of Leon announced today their plans for a one-night-only concert…

Science & Technology

Former Crypto Bro Turned AI Bro Announces He Is Pivoting Back To Crypto

Just when you thought the yo-yo antics of tech moguls couldn’t get any more nausea-inducing, here comes our favorite silicon valley chameleon, Brad Barkley,…