Music

System of A Down Announces Surprise Album: ‘Yoga for Beginners’

The popular alternative metal band System of A Down has announced a surprise new album, titled ‘Yoga for Beginners.’ The album will be released…

Life & Style

Wholesome: This Small-Town Cop Doesn’t Shoot Unarmed Civilians

In the small, sleepy town of Squeezyville, Officer Ronald Jones has been uniquely keeping the peace. Officer Jones’ approach to policing differs from his…

Entertainment

Big Brother China: Get Ready to Be Watched – Without Any Reward!

In a move that has shocked and delighted Chinese citizens, the Chinese government has decided to take their nation’s extensive surveillance network and CCTV…

Entertainment

Axed Fox News Host Tucker Carlson Launches Twitter-Based Show, Starts by Attacking Starbucks Barista Over Aspartame Conspiracy

Recently ousted from Fox News, Tucker Carlson took his professional rage machine to the Twittersphere by launching his own streaming show. In a shocking…

Music

Periphery Fans Pretend Microphone Still Works at Sold-Out Show

At Periphery’s latest concert, the microphone stopped working halfway through the band’s set, and fans pretended as though nothing was wrong. “It was honestly…

Science & Technology

Neural DSP Declares End to Capitalism with Archetype: Tom Morello

HELSINKI, FINLAND — In a ballsy move that would make Karl Marx break into an air guitar solo, Neural DSP has just announced the…

Politics

DeSantis Announces Presidency Amidst Sound of Crashing Servers, North Korea Sends Congrats

SAN FRANCISCO – North Korea congratulates Florida Governor Ron DeSantis on his successful 2024 presidential campaign launch. The announcement, delivered via a Twitter Space…

Life & Style

McDonald’s Sours Soft Serve Fans with News of Extinct Ice Cream Creature

McDonald’s loyal customers were left in shock and dismayed today as the fast food giant announced that the creature from which the crucial ingredient…

Entertainment

Chris Brown Proves That Beating Women Is the Key to Success

Are you tired of working hard and not seeing any results in your career? Well, look no further than Chris Brown, the ultimate example…

Music

Sleep Token Frontman Forced to Trade Mic for Dishwashing Gloves After Skipping Out on Restaurant Bill

The enigmatic frontman of Sleep Token, known only as “The Vessel,” was spotted scrubbing dishes at a local restaurant after reportedly being unable to…