Politics

Trump Ditches Politics for Fashion—Unveils MAGA Chic, A Clothing Line So Red, It Makes Tomatoes Jealous!

Oh, baby, sit down and strap in because The Donald is back! Only this time, he’s ditching those political rallies for the runway. Yeah,…

Entertainment

Royal Leak! Prince Harry Now Wipes After He Pees, and the Internet Wants Meghan Arrested for ‘Toilet Tampering’

Ah, the British Royal Family! A symbol of dignity, grace, and—wait for it—proper pee etiquette? You read that right, folks. Rumors are swirling faster…

Science & Technology

Elon Musk Shows Unprecedented Mercy: Snips Only 3 Fingers from SpaceX Leaker’s Hand! The Compassionate Billionaire Strikes Again

They say charity starts at home, but for Elon Musk, it seems that benevolence starts at the fingertips – or rather, ends there. In…

Science & Technology

Paul Graham Unleashes New Essay; Internet Wonders If He’s Become the Yoda of Startups or Just the Jar Jar Binks

Ah, Paul Graham, the tech world’s favorite sentient beard, has done it again! The Y Combinator co-founder and self-anointed startup sage dropped a new…

Science & Technology

Billionaire Peter Thiel Announces His Yacht Isn’t Fast Enough Due to ‘Computational Lag’ in Our Simulated Universe—Plans to Overclock Reality

Hold the phone, Elon Musk—your Martian dreams might be on hold. Why? Because billionaire Peter Thiel, who once bankrolled the ambitious quest for eternal…

Politics

Political Tilt! Ben Shapiro’s Sperm Found Leaning Right, Declares They’re ‘Facts Over Feelings’

Renowned political commentator Ben Shapiro’s sperm have been found leaning to the right. Literally, and if that’s not enough, they’ve taken to chanting “facts…

Science & Technology

Elon Musk Buys Twitter’s Debt with Pocket Change and Pays People to Tweet – Because Why Not?

Elon Musk Buys Twitter’s Debt with Pocket Change and Pays People to Tweet – Because Why Not? Hold onto your tweeting thumbs. In a…

Entertainment

Bob Barker’s Heavenly Debut: God Declares “The Price is Eternity!” And Bob’s Still Not Sold

Bob Barker, the legend himself, who made spinning a gigantic wheel seem like a rational life choice, has finally stepped off the earthly stage.…

Life & Style

Tom from MySpace is Your Only Real Friend: Here’s Why You Owe Him a Beer

Remember Tom from MySpace? Yeah, that eternally friendly face, grinning from the depths of cyberspace like a digital Cheshire Cat, never changing, always welcoming.…

Entertainment

Michael Cera Discovers Hidden Treasure in His Couch – You Won’t Believe How Much He Found!

In a discovery that would make even Indiana Jones put down his whip and hang up his hat, Michael Cera, the man, myth, and…