Music Archives - Page 8 of 34

02

It turns out that the deathcore band Lorna Shore is not made up of flesh and blood human beings but rather a group of advanced robots controlled by the government.…

01

Jun 2023

Music

Mike Tyson’s ‘Wise’ Insight into the Music Industry Leaves Everyone Baffled

After an in-depth interview with the legendary Mike Tyson, it appears the only insight he had to offer into the future of the music industry was a series of grunts…

31

May 2023

Music

EPIC FAIL: Periphery Plays Entire Gig Without Realizing Their Instruments Were Replaced With a Macbook Pro

Periphery recently performed an entire gig without realizing that their instruments had been mysteriously replaced with a Macbook Pro. The band had just begun their set at the sold-out venue…

30

May 2023

Music

System of A Down Announces Surprise Album: ‘Yoga for Beginners’

The popular alternative metal band System of A Down has announced a surprise new album, titled 'Yoga for Beginners.' The album will be released on April Fool's Day, though the…

26

May 2023

Music

Periphery Fans Pretend Microphone Still Works at Sold-Out Show

At Periphery's latest concert, the microphone stopped working halfway through the band's set, and fans pretended as though nothing was wrong. "It was honestly the most impressive thing I've ever…

23

May 2023

Music

Sleep Token Frontman Forced to Trade Mic for Dishwashing Gloves After Skipping Out on Restaurant Bill

The enigmatic frontman of Sleep Token, known only as "The Vessel," was spotted scrubbing dishes at a local restaurant after reportedly being unable to pay his bill. According to sources,…

22

May 2023

Music

Blink 182’s Linguistic Incompetence: A Study in Mispronunciation

It's a question that has plagued music enthusiasts for decades: why do band's like Blink 182 insist on mispronouncing words like "head"? After extensive research, we have finally uncovered the…

21

May 2023

Music

It’s Official: It’s 2023 and Headless Guitars Are Cancelled

After decades of experimentation and misguided attempts at innovation, guitarists everywhere have finally come to their senses and realized that headless guitars are, in fact, fucking stupid. "We've been tricked…

18

May 2023

Music

Juicy J’s Bed Bug Bonanza: We Bought a Mattress That Turned Our Bedroom into a Fucking Horror Movie!

We purchased a mattress from Juicy J's Amazing Mattress Emporium on a dark and stormy night. The neon sign flickered, casting an eerie glow over the damp sidewalk. Our old…

16

May 2023

Music

Jungkook, Military General, Ushers in New Era of BTS Takeover After Successful Military Coup

Today, the people of South Korea were in for a surprise when the K-pop group BTS announced that their member Jungkook had been appointed to the position of military general.…