Music Archives - Page 4 of 34

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Corey Taylor, the Slipknot frontman known for his insightful commentary on everything from the existential dread of existence to the correct method of eating spaghetti, has finally offered his much-anticipated…

08

Jan 2024

Music Reviews

Review: SUPERBLOOM by Silent Planet

Buckle up for a journey into the latest auditory anomaly unleashed by the paradoxically named Silent Planet with their album SUPERBLOOM. This album screams (literally) the botanical fact: flowers, too,…

08

Jan 2024

Music

Jordan Fish of Bring Me The Horizon Inks Multi-Year Deal with Architects

Jordan Fish, the synth maestro of Bring Me The Horizon, has inked a historic multi-year contract with rival band Architects. The contract, rumored to be written on recycled, vegan-friendly parchment,…

01

Dec 2023

Music

Mac DeMarco Eyeing Off The Last Sandwich At The Office Christmas Party

It's the office Christmas party, and everyone is gathered around the refreshment table. Platters of snacks, cookies, and other festive treats abound. But there's one thing that's caught everyone's attention:…

07

Sep 2023

Music

The Music Industry Needs More Gatekeeping

Ah, musical snobbery, the unsung hero we never knew we needed. You see, folks, we've reached a point of no return, a cacophonous quagmire where the Nickelbacks and Creeds of…

06

Sep 2023

Music

Metalcore Band Pioneers “Middle-Management Metal,” Releases Album Titled “Soul-Crushing Synergy”

Buckle up, emo kids and metalcore enthusiasts! The genre that once gave you the perfect soundtrack for your teen angst is evolving, and it's more soul-crushing than ever. Meet "Eternal…

31

Aug 2023

Music

The Weeknd’s Latest Announcement Will Melt Your Face Off – Literally!

Stop the presses and hold onto your hairpieces, because The Weeknd just dropped a bombshell that's about to explode your mundane Monday into a full-blown fiesta of fabulousness. You read…

24

Aug 2023

Music

30 Going on 21? The Age Outrage That’s Shaken Rap’s Core: 21 Savage Exposed!

Hold onto your headphones, rap fans, because this one's a doozy. You know 21 Savage, the guy who's been 21 for years? Well, buckle up because he's actually 30! That's…

24

Aug 2023

Music

Rock Legend Ted Nugent Shocks the World! Caught Stealing Power Like a Teen Pinching Candy – The Scandalous Tale of the Electricity Bandit

The Motor City Madman himself has been caught red-handed, or should I say, "black-wired," running extension leads and power boards from neighboring properties like a suburban Robin Hood. Imagine the…

03

Aug 2023

Music

Unshackled Britney Spears Ditches Human Collaborators, Turns to Imaginary Friend Sally for Chart-Topping Illusory Melody

LOS ANGELES — Buckle up, music industry: the one and only Britney Spears, freshly emancipated from her controversial conservatorship, has just dropped a bombshell that’s more earth-shattering than a subwoofer…