Well, butter my biscuits, it’s happened! The one and only Donald Trump, the man whose hair could have its own Twitter account, has made a triumphant return to the world of social media, now known as “X.” That’s right, climate change deniers, he’s back, and he’s not here to make America great again; he’s here to make his wallet great again!
Fresh off an arrest in Georgia for what some would call “trying to overthrow the 2020 election” (or as Trump calls it, Tuesday), the former Commander-in-Tweet is back to his old tricks. But don’t expect political masterstrokes or grandiose plans to save the world. No, sir! This time, he’s in it for the cash, pure and simple. The art of the grift, if you will.
“Get your Trump Gold, only $9999.99!” he tweeted, his fingers dancing like a toupee in a hurricane. “Believe me, folks, it’s the best gold. Tremendous gold. Everyone says so.” Ah, vintage Trump, as subtle as a sledgehammer and as nuanced as a neon sign.
But wait, there’s more! He’s also peddling Trump Steaks, Trump Water, and, for the truly discerning griftee, Trump Air – a can of pure, unfiltered Trump hot air. It’s the perfect gift for that special someone.
What’s that you say? You thought he was back to lead a revolution or, at the very least, to lead a scathing commentary on the state of our nation? Oh, bless your heart. That ship has sailed, hit an iceberg, and sunk faster than Trump University’s reputation.
You see, this isn’t about politics or ideology anymore. This is about cash, moolah, dough – the almighty dollar! And who better to rake it in than the man who once stared into the abyss of bankruptcy and said, “Hold my Diet Coke”?
Of course, not everyone is thrilled with Trump’s return. Some see it as a sad, desperate grab at relevance. Others see it as a dangerous platform for a man who once held the highest office in the land.
So grab your popcorn, crack open a Trump-branded beer (only $49.99 for a six-pack), and settle in for the ride. The Donald is back and has a bridge to sell you.
Oh, and if you’re interested in that bridge, follow the link in his next tweet. It’s a steal at just a million bucks – and that’s a price you can trust. After all, he’s a businessman. He said so himself.
