San Francisco, CA – In what can only be described as Silicon Valley’s boldest crossover episode, Elon Musk has announced his latest venture: a foray into the wild, untamed world of communism. Yes, comrades, you heard it right. Musk, the billionaire tech titan who could probably buy the moon if he felt like it, has declared his intentions to turn the newly rebranded Twitter, now known as ‘X’, into a beacon of mandatory communism.
As if flipping the bird to capitalism while sipping on a $600 bottle of red wine, Musk announced the news in a tweet that read, “Welcome to X, comrades. Retweets are now redistributed equally among all users.” Our dear leader Musk has swapped his copy of ‘The Lean Startup’ for ‘The Communist Manifesto’.
In the new world order of ‘X’, likes and retweets won’t be the playthings of just the most popular accounts. No, no, those days of bourgeoisie control are over. In a move that would make Marx grin in his grave, regardless of follower count, every user will now receive an equal share of engagement. Your neighbor Bob, with his three followers, will see his tweets about ‘The Real Housewives’ on an equal footing with the viral musings of celebrities and influencers. Now isn’t that something?
As part of this seismic shift, Musk also announced the abolition of the verified badge, branding it a symbol of elitism. “In X, we’re all verified,” he tweeted, a single tear rolling down his cheek onto his Space X keyboard.
And what about the trending topics? Well, they’re decided by a ‘People’s Committee’ now. In a system as transparent as a lead wall, a group of users, chosen via a method Musk described as ‘sort of random, sort of not’, will decide what topics deserve the limelight.
But what does this mean for the future of social media, you ask? In a world where the term ‘influencer’ is synonymous with ‘capitalist puppet’, the move to X’s mandatory communism could spark an existential crisis. Influencers would need to trade their avocado toasts for shared bread loaves and their fancy lattes for communal cups of joe. The horror!
Of course, not everyone is aboard the good ship X. Critics call the move a PR stunt’, ‘a late April fool’s joke’, or ‘an eccentric billionaire’s latest attempt to play god’. But Musk, undeterred, took to X to respond. “To the haters,” he wrote, “Just remember, X gonna give it to ya!“
It’s too early to tell whether X will become a social utopia or descend into digital anarchy. But one thing is certain: there’s never a dull moment when Musk is at the helm. Grab your communal popcorn, comrades, because this will be a ride.