President Biden Announces Plans to Drop Nukes on Both Israel and Palestine

The global community has been left in utter shock as Israel continues its relentless bombing campaign against Gaza, leaving the city in ruins. Despite the widespread calls for a ceasefire, it appears that the Israeli government is more focused on vengeance rather than peace. But fear not, as the United States of America has stepped…

ByAccomplished Author27 February 20240Comments

Politics

Joe Biden Unveils Groundbreaking New Vibrator: The Bidenator, Continuing to Fuck the American Public in Unprecedented Ways

Wilmington, DE - In a move that can only be described as both ingenious and terrifying, President Joe Biden has taken his dedication to serving the American people to a whole new level. Today, the White House announced the launch of a new sex toy, dubbed the "Bidenator," in an effort to "vibrate" the American…

ByAccomplished Author26 February 20240Comments

Politics

Biden’s Soup Burn: A ‘Steaming’ Show of Support for Maui or Just a Bowl of Presidential Misstep?

MAUI, HI — The nation's Commander-in-Chief, President Joe Biden, landed in Maui with a mission: to show some solidarity, to lend a shoulder, to say, "I feel your pain." But instead of a heartfelt embrace, he served a bowl of hot soup. Mind you, not just any hot soup, but the kind that once scorched…

ByAccomplished Author24 August 20230Comments

Politics

“President Biden Misplaces Pen: Nation Grapples With Unprecedented Crisis, Pencil Sales Skyrocket”

In an event that has brought the United States to its knees, a turn of events unfolded last night that could change the course of history forever. President Joe Biden has misplaced his favorite pen. The capricious tale began when Biden realized that the pen, a Montblanc Meisterstück with a hint of blue ink, was…

ByAccomplished Author9 August 20230Comments

Politics

BREAKING: Puppet Masters Caught Red-Handed as Joe Biden’s Speech Reveals Obvious String Attachments!

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The mystery surrounding President Joe Biden's seemingly unnatural movements and speeches has finally been answered! During a particularly heated political discourse, eagle-eyed spectators noticed the curious sight of strings attached to Biden's limbs, effectively converting the distinguished President into a life-sized marionette. Puppetgate has swiftly gripped the nation, raising perplexing questions about…

ByAccomplished Author15 July 20230Comments

Politics

Sleepy Joe Gets a Pillow Upgrade – Will This Give the President 2 More IQ Points?

Washington D.C. - Just when you thought President Joe Biden's sleepy image couldn't get any sleepier, he proves us all wrong with a revolutionary new purchase. In a daring move on par with the Louisiana Purchase, our president has put down cold hard cash for the latest sleep technology: a brand-new pillow. As the nation…

ByAccomplished Author2 July 20230Comments

Politics

Jonah Hill Unleashes Scathing Diss Track Against Joe Biden, Accidentally Becomes Right-Wing National Anthem

Jonah Hill has unwittingly become the voice of a generation – a right-wing generation, that is. Hill recently released a diss track aimed at President Joe Biden, which, to the shock of both the actor and the nation, has skyrocketed to the top of conservative playlists across America. The "Biden's Blunders" track was initially intended…

ByAccomplished Author28 March 20230Comments

Politics

Biden Misreads Room Temperature with Ice Cream Joke, Stumbles Frostily into Tennessee Shooting Discussion!

In an astonishing display of freezer-burned wit, President Joe Biden kicked off a White House event on Monday by quipping that he only attended because he heard there would be ice cream — before awkwardly and abruptly addressing the chilling mass shooting at a Nashville elementary school that left six lives tragically cut short mere…

ByAccomplished Author28 March 20230Comments

Politics

Joe Biden’s Fruity Solution to Financial Crisis: ‘There’s Always Money in the Banana Stand’

Washington, D.C. - As the nation grapples with the shocking collapse of several major banks, including the high-profile Silicon Valley Bank, President Joe Biden has offered up some rather unconventional financial advice for concerned citizens: "There's always money in the banana stand." The Commander-in-Chief's fruity words of wisdom have left many scratching their heads, wondering…

ByAccomplished Author19 March 20230Comments

Politics

Move Over Biden, 13-Year-Old Prodigy Announces Presidential Bid for 2060

A 13-year-old child from middle America announced his candidacy for President of the United States in 2060. The precocious young lad, who prefers to go by the name "Johnny," held a press conference on his front lawn to make the big announcement. "I've been watching the news, and I just don't think any of these…

ByAccomplished Author19 March 20230Comments