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Music

Metalcore Band Pioneers “Middle-Management Metal,” Releases Album Titled “Soul-Crushing Synergy”

Buckle up, emo kids and metalcore enthusiasts! The genre that once gave you the perfect soundtrack for your teen angst is evolving, and it's more soul-crushing than ever. Meet "Eternal Internal Screams," the band who decided to give metalcore a 401(k) and a desk job. They’ve unleashed a groundbreaking sub-genre they proudly call "Middle-Management Metal."…
6 September 20230Comments

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Entertainment

Mr. Least Unveils His ‘Bye Local’ Campaign: Buys Small Businesses Just to Bulldoze Them—Says It’s for the ‘Greater Bad’!

Ah, small businesses, the backbone of America. The quaint little shops where dreams are packaged into home-baked goods and hand-knit scarves. Enter Mr. Least—the twisted, moustache-twirling evil twin of Mr. Beast—and suddenly, those dreams are crumbling faster than a stale muffin. Picture this: Mr. Beast blesses a struggling pizzeria with a surprise $50,000 tip. The…
5 September 20230Comments

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Entertainment

Missed the Boat on Taylor Swift’s ‘Era’s’ Tour Tickets? Join the Sobbing Fan Club of Losers!

It's a dark day in Swiftyville. Taylor Swift's 'Era's' tour tickets sold out faster than you can say "Shake it Off," you're one of the unfortunate souls who didn't snag a seat. Queue the violins. "Never in my entire career of concert-going have I seen such a catastrophe!" exclaimed concert expert Richard Simmons, wiping away…
4 September 20230Comments

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Entertainment

Jake Paul’s Sperm Loses the Battle to His Left Hook: Joe Rogan Reveals the Shocking Tale of Virility and Vanity

In the world of celebrity brawls, there's nothing quite as astounding as Jake Paul's left hook, except perhaps his sperm's performance—or lack thereof. That's right, fight fans; in a recent episode of "The Joe Rogan Experience," the infamous podcast host, Joe Rogan, made a bold and shocking claim that has left social media teetering on…
3 September 20230Comments

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Entertainment

He’s Back, Baby! Justin Timberlake’s Miraculous Resurrection From the Cross Proves He Can’t Stop the Feeling… Or Death!

Hold on to your hats, people. Our boy Justin Timberlake has just taken history's most jaw-dropping comeback tour. Forget about the charts, the stages, and the Grammys. JT's been nailed to a cross, shoved into a cave, and still managed to bust out like it was just another part of his dance routine. Yeah, you…
2 September 20230Comments

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Life & Style

Men, Pizza, and Equality – How a Male-Only Pizza Joint Is Breaking the Gender Crust Barrier for an Extra Slice of Cash

Hold onto your pepperonis, dear pizza enthusiasts, because the world's most macho pizzeria now serves slices of equality with a side of capitalism. That's right; Joe's Manly Pizza Pit, the famed male-only pizza joint, has just made history by opening its doughy gates to everyone – but hold the anchovies – for an extra fee,…
30 August 20230Comments

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