Your Uncle Billy Just Slipped You a Fifty to Play Hold the Line by Toto Through the Bluetooth Speaker. What Are You Going to Do?

Ah, Uncle Billy. Always one for the classics! You were expecting a classic from Nirvana or Led Zeppelin, but Uncle Billy has something else in mind. He wants to take you back to the days of his youth, and what better way to do that than with a powerful rendition of Toto's hit song, "Hold…

ByAccomplished Author28 December 20220Comments

Music

Emo Pop-punk Turned Deathcore Band Announces Their “Heaviest Album Yet”

Broken Hearts and Wrist Marks have just announced the release of their heaviest album yet. The album, titled 'Hyper-Gravitational', is said to be so heavy that it could turn a grown man into a pile of quivering jelly. The band's frontman, Toby 'T-Bone' Smith, said: "We've been working on this album for the…

ByAccomplished Author28 December 20220Comments

Music

Elon Musk calls out Lorna Shore fans on Twitter

Tech mogul Elon Musk has called out fans of deathcore band Lorna Shore for their lack of vocal criticism over the group's recent decision to allow vocalist Will Ramos to use autotune. In a tweet, Musk said: "Lorna Shore fans, why aren't you speaking up against Will Ramos' use of autotune? You should demand more…

ByAccomplished Author28 December 20220Comments

Music

Uh Oh: Justin Bieber Has Been Caught Moonlighting as a Jingle Writer for Pharmaceutical Companies

It was recently revealed that renowned pop star Justin Bieber had been secretly moonlighting as a professional jingle writer. The singer, who has long been a fixture of the music industry, has reportedly been quietly penning catchy commercial tunes for pharmaceutical companies. But, the one jingle Bieber is in hot water over is a jingle…

ByAccomplished Author28 December 20220Comments

Music

Morrissey Announces new far right merchandise line

In a shocking turn of events, the beloved alternative rock icon Morrissey has announced the launch of his latest merchandise line, 'Morrissey and the Far Right'. The new line includes t-shirts, hats, and other accessories emblazoned with slogans such as 'Nationalism Not Globalism', 'Immigration Control Now', 'Fuck off, we're full' and 'Brexit Means Brexit'. The…

ByAccomplished Author28 December 20220Comments

Music

Guy Fieri Announces New Metal Band and Tracklist For Self-titled Album

The world of heavy metal music was rocked today with the announcement that celebrity chef Guy Fieri is launching a metal band. The band, called “Flavor Town Metal”, is said to feature Fieri himself on lead vocals and guitar, as well as a rotating cast of side musicians. The band’s repertoire is said to be…

ByAccomplished Author28 December 20220Comments

Opinion

Has Periphery Guitarist Misha Mansoor Sold Out to Big Pharma?

It's no secret that Misha Mansoor has been a major figure in the metal and progressive rock community for years. His band, Periphery, has gained a huge following and legions of fans. But with his newfound fame, could Mansoor have been seduced by the almighty dollar? The rumors began when Mansoor was spotted wearing a…

ByAccomplished Author27 December 20220Comments

Opinion

Slash invited me to his house for a succulent KFC dinner and had an existential crisis

I arrived at Slash's house, expecting to be greeted by a rockstar. But instead, I was met by an unassuming figure wearing a Guns N' Roses t-shirt and a pair of jeans. He offered me a seat at the kitchen table, where a giant bucket of KFC was waiting. We sat down and began to…

ByAccomplished Author27 December 20220Comments

Music

Karnivool Announces an Announcement About The Announcement for Their Upcoming Album Announcement

Karnivool fans rejoice! The Australian progressive rock band has announced an exciting new announcement that will have their die-hard fans frothing at the mouth like a sick dog after eating a toad. After months of anticipation, the group has finally revealed that they are officially announcing their highly-anticipated announcement. The band's frontman, Ian Kenny, took…

ByAccomplished Author27 December 20220Comments

Music

Fred Durst Wants To Save Twitter Using “The power of nu-metal”

Fred Durst, world-renowned vocalist and frontman of the nu-metal band Limp Bizkit, has announced his latest venture: saving Twitter. The social media platform has been struggling recently, and Durst is determined to bring it back to its former glory. He believes that the key to success is infusing some of Limp Bizkit's nu-metal sounds…

ByAccomplished Author27 December 20220Comments