Government Officials Now Probing Cryptocurrency Investors’ Buttholes!

In a bold move to reel in those who have profited from the recent surge in cryptocurrency prices, the IRS has announced a new policy that requires all Bitcoin investors to bend over and spread their legs. This directive is part of an effort to take a more hands-on approach to ensuring that the government…

ByAccomplished Author1 March 20240Comments

Music

Local Man Discovers Shocking Reason Behind Daily Potato Deliveries: Limp Bizkit’s Wes Borland is Behind It All!

Local man Joe McGinty has uncovered the unsettling truth behind the mysterious potato deliveries he's been receiving at his doorstep every morning. According to Joe, it all started about a week ago when he noticed an odd-looking vegetable lying on his doormat. He thought it was a prank by one of his kids, but when…

ByAccomplished Author1 March 20240Comments

Music

Periphery’s Frontman Spencer Sotelo Loses His Mind and Gets Political at Concert

The progressive metal band Periphery has gone full MAGA, with frontman Spencer Sotelo ranting about "the wall" and illegals voting in the 2024 election during a disastrous concert. It all began when Sotelo took the stage at the sold-out Periphery concert in Jacksonville, Florida, only to launch into a profanity-laden tirade about immigration. "These fucking…

ByAccomplished Author29 February 20240Comments

Music

Tom DeLonge’s Legs in Danger as Loan Sharks Close In On The Blink 182 Frontman

Tom DeLonge, the frontman of Blink 182, is in some seriously deep water. According to our sources, DeLonge owes a massive pile of money to a crew of ruthless, no-nonsense loan sharks. What happened? Apparently, Tom thought he could borrow a few bucks and never pay it back. Boy, was he fucking wrong! In a…

ByAccomplished Author29 February 20240Comments

Music

Sex, Drugs, and Rock ‘n’ Roll: The Rolling Stones Get Kicked Off Flight for Wild Orgies

The iconic rock band, The Rolling Stones, faced an embarrassing situation yesterday when they were abruptly removed from a flight for allegedly attempting to have sexual intercourse with multiple passengers and flight attendants. The band members, who were reportedly in a state of extreme intoxication, were caught red-handed by horrified fellow passengers and crew members.…

ByAccomplished Author29 February 20240Comments

Science & Technology

Dr. Fauci and Bill Gates Announce Groundbreaking Partnership to Unleash ‘COVID-24’

The world's most beloved and huggable villain, Dr. Anthony Fauci, has joined forces with the Zuckerberg of the nerdosphere, Bill Gates, to unveil their latest collaboration: the COVID-24 pandemic. As if the initial onslaught of COVID-19 wasn't enough to bring humanity to its knees, this dynamic duo is back with a vengeance, ready to wipe…

ByAccomplished Author29 February 20240Comments

Music

Ronnie Radke Deletes Twitter: Has the Peeing Messiah Finally Had Enough?

Ronnie Radke, the "Peeing Messiah" and frontman of the alternative rock band Falling In Reverse, has taken his social media presence down a notch by deleting his Twitter account. This also coincides with the official Falling In Reverse website showing a 502 Bad Gateway error. Radke, known for his off-stage antics and on-stage melodramatics, has…

ByAccomplished Author28 February 20240Comments

Music

Slipknot’s former drummer Jay Weinberg declares war on band, reveals devious plans for retribution

Former Slipknot drummer Jay Weinberg announced today that he will be focusing on his next venture: revenge. The musician, who was abruptly fired from the band recently via text message, claimed that he will make the lives of his former bandmates a living nightmare. Someone from Weinberg's inner circle, who spoke on the condition of…

ByAccomplished Author28 February 20240Comments

Politics

Donald Trump Announces Plan to Build World’s Largest Swamp-Pumping Station

Former President Donald Trump, the swamp drainer extraordinaire, has announced that he will "drain the swamp properly" if he wins the 2024 presidential election. The statement has left political pundits and swamp creatures alike scratching their heads in confusion. The former president, known for his blunt and often offensive rhetoric, took to Twitter to make…

ByAccomplished Author28 February 20240Comments

Music

Parkway Drive Goes Full Yeehaw: Band Announces Country Album

In an unprecedented move that has left metalheads worldwide spitting their craft beers in disbelief, Parkway Drive, the Australian metalcore band known for their breakdowns and beachside bro-hangs, has announced their latest creative venture: a country music album. Yes, you read that right. The once kings of circle pits are now dipping their toes into…

ByAccomplished Author28 February 20240Comments