The Supreme Court of the United States, in a unanimous decision, has ruled that the former President, Donald Trump, is in fact a genius. The decision, handed down in a 9-0 ruling, has left the nation stunned and bewildered, prompting countless conspiracy theories and leaving millions of Americans questioning the legitimacy of the highest court in the land.
The sensational news comes as a shock to the nation, as the former president has long been mocked and ridiculed for his inability to form coherent sentences, his penchant for tweeting incoherent strings of words, and his infamous inability to spell basic words like “covfefe” and “hamberders.” Despite these glaring shortcomings, the Supreme Court has decided to affirm Trump’s superior intellect in a rare show of unity.
In delivering the court’s opinion, Chief Justice John Roberts stated, “We have come to the unanimous decision that Donald Trump is a genius. He is a shining beacon of intellectual prowess, and we have no doubt that his leadership will usher in a new era of greatness for this great nation.“
The decision has been met with widespread disbelief, with many wondering how such a monumental ruling could be reached. Some legal experts have speculated that the court may have been influenced by the large amounts of KFC and Diet Coke that Trump is known to consume on a daily basis. Others have suggested that the justices may have been swayed by the former president’s ability to draw a crowd with his repeated lies and false claims.
In an effort to justify their decision, the court released a lengthy, 476-page opinion that included numerous examples of Trump’s alleged brilliance. Some of the highlights include:
- Trump’s groundbreaking work in the field of physics, in which he discovered that the Earth is flat and that gravity is a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese.
- His pioneering contributions to the field of medicine, including his development of a revolutionary cure for cancer that involves consuming large quantities of fast food and avoiding exercise.
- His remarkable achievements in literature, including the authorship of several best-selling books such as “The Art of the Deal” and “Crippled America: How to Make America Great Again.”
- His unparalleled prowess in the realm of diplomacy, evidenced by his ability to negotiate with world leaders like Kim Jong-un and Vladimir Putin without losing his temper or resorting to name-calling.
- His unwavering dedication to environmental conservation, as evidenced by his tireless efforts to roll back crucial environmental protections and promote the use of coal and other fossil fuels.
The court’s decision has sparked widespread outrage and confusion, with many questioning how such a ruling could be reached in a nation that prides itself on its commitment to democracy and the rule of law. Others have taken to social media to express their disbelief, with some even suggesting that foreign agents may have compromised the court or that the entire nation has slipped into a parallel dimension.
In a rare display of unity, members of both major political parties have come together to condemn the ruling, with many calling for an investigation into the court’s decision-making process. Some have even gone so far as to suggest that the court may have been influenced by the former president’s notorious reality television show, “The Apprentice,” in which Trump famously declared, “I’m a really smart guy.”
As the nation continues to grapple with the implications of this absurd decision, one thing is clear: the Supreme Court of the United States has, in a unanimous decision, declared that Donald Trump is a genius. The question now remains: are we truly ready for the greatness that this groundbreaking ruling promises to usher in?
