In an unprecedented display of political bravado, former President Donald Trump boldly declared himself the winner of last night’s GOP debate on Truth Social. The twist? He wasn’t even there.
“Look, people, I won that debate fair and square!” Trump boasted in a post on Truth Social. “I was there in spirit, and my spirit’s the best, just the best. Believe me.“
Political commentators and debate enthusiasts were left baffled and amused. Dr. Harrison Fordham, a professor at Trump University, offered his perplexed perspective.
“This is… unconventional,” Fordham said, his eyebrows arched in disbelief. “Winning a debate you didn’t attend? That’s not just confidence; that’s metaphysical triumph.“
In an exclusive interview, a self-proclaimed debate aficionado with a three-decade track record, Linda Whitaker weighed in.
“Trump’s essence was definitely there,” Whitaker said, suppressing a giggle. “I could almost hear his voice, challenging the moderators, engaging the audience, and making sweeping statements. It’s like he was there in ghostly form.“
Trump’s ardent supporters embraced the paradoxical victory, flooding social media with hashtags like #PhantomTrump and #InvisibleWin.
“Trump’s always ten steps ahead,” said fervent follower Frank Wilson, sporting a “Make Absent Debating Victorious Again” hat. “He won without breaking a sweat. That’s pure genius!“
The actual debate participants were left bewildered. Ron DeSantis, one of the other potential nominees at the debate, was spotted murmuring, “Did I just… lose to thin air?“
The incident ignited a nationwide philosophical debate about the nature of victory, defeat, and the metaphysical question of existence. Scholars and analysts pondered whether an individual can triumph in an event they never joined.
In a defiant follow-up post, Trump reiterated his victory, proclaiming, “Not only did I win, but I had the most brilliant answers, the most eloquent words, and the most victorious spirit. It’s the talk of the town. Even my opponents know I won.“
The ghostly echo of Trump’s debate win lingers over the political landscape, a haunting reminder that in the ever-twisting world of politics, sometimes the line between satire and reality is blurred beyond recognition.