May 2023 - Page 2 of 5

Sleep Token Frontman Forced to Trade Mic for Dishwashing Gloves After Skipping Out on Restaurant Bill

The enigmatic frontman of Sleep Token, known only as "The Vessel," was spotted scrubbing dishes at a local restaurant after reportedly being unable to pay his bill. According to sources,…

Science & Technology

Elon Musk’s death beam satellite: a game-changer or a recipe for disaster?

In an announcement that surprised no one, Elon Musk revealed that his latest invention, a death beam satellite, is almost complete. But fear not. The billionaire inventor and Twitter CEO…

Life & Style

Exhausted Soccer Mom Delivers Knockout Blow to Conor McGregor in Walmart Parking Lot Brawl

It was a typical Tuesday evening at the local Walmart parking lot when washed-up drunk and former UFC champion Conor McGregor met his match. The once-fearsome fighter was taken down…

Music

Blink 182’s Linguistic Incompetence: A Study in Mispronunciation

It's a question that has plagued music enthusiasts for decades: why do band's like Blink 182 insist on mispronouncing words like "head"? After extensive research, we have finally uncovered the…

Music

It’s Official: It’s 2023 and Headless Guitars Are Cancelled

After decades of experimentation and misguided attempts at innovation, guitarists everywhere have finally come to their senses and realized that headless guitars are, in fact, fucking stupid. "We've been tricked…

Opinion

OPINION: How Can a Band With the Word Dragons in Its Name Be So Terrible? Imagine Dragons We Need to Talk

It's a question that's been on the minds of music lovers everywhere: How can a band with the word dragons in its name be so terrible? The simple answer is,…

Entertainment

Dr Phil Rocks the Metal Scene With Unfortunate Slip of the Tongue

In a shocking turn of events, renowned talk show host and self-help guru Dr Phil McGraw has unwittingly managed to anger a large portion of the metal music community. It…

Music

Juicy J’s Bed Bug Bonanza: We Bought a Mattress That Turned Our Bedroom into a Fucking Horror Movie!

We purchased a mattress from Juicy J's Amazing Mattress Emporium on a dark and stormy night. The neon sign flickered, casting an eerie glow over the damp sidewalk. Our old…

Life & Style

Shit Just Got Real: In-N-Out Burger Says ‘Fuck No’ to Fucking in the Restrooms

Straight from the grease-slicked heart of California, a travesty is unfolding. In-N-Out Burger, the fast food joint worshipped for its secret sauce and animal-style shenanigans, has just dropped a bombshell.…

Entertainment

Idris Elba Not Amused by Latest Internet Meme

It appears that actor, Idris Elba, is less than impressed with the latest internet meme that has been circulating. The meme features a photo of Idris with a caption that…