Palms Springs, FL – Just when we thought the verdict was in on former President Donald Trump’s social media career, he resurfaces like a spicy jalapeño popper on his new platform, Truth Social. Trump posted what seemed to be a bone-chilling declaration: ‘World War III’, sending throngs of anxiety-ridden netizens into an all-out panic. Little did they know, he was referring to the harrowing aftermath of his Taco Bell extravaganza rather than an actual global conflict.
No one could have seen it coming. As if binge-watching The Apprentice and gorging at Mar-a-Lago’s buffet wasn’t enough, Trump decided to spice up his Tuesday evening by venturing into uncharted territory – the nearest Taco Bell. Surrounded by his hungry Secret Service agent’s entourage, they descended upon the unsuspecting establishment for sustenance and dubious culinary thrills. One can only imagine the employees’ faces when those golden locks walked through their doors, requesting an unholy number of Volcano Tacos and Cheesy Gordita Crunches.
After devouring their fast-food feast (or what more snobbish culinary experts would call “fancy flattened chimichangas”), the inevitable gut-wrenching consequences set in. Feeling the first shockwaves of an intestinal insurgency, Trump rushed to the Public Restroom of Palms – a once-pristine local landmark that would soon bear the brunt of his fiery wrath.
With haste, he bombarded the restroom with a relentless airstrike of digestive discontent. Gone were its untainted porcelain fixtures and elegant marble flooring, replaced with a scene comparable to the Battle of Gettysburg (minus the historical importance). One could only imagine the explosive cacophony echoing off the tile walls, a brutal acoustical warning that the once-respected leader of the free world is now but a mere mortal succumbing to gastrointestinal distress.
As the reality of the restroom’s devastation sunk in, Trump took to Truth Social to proclaim his internal skirmish as ‘World War III.’ The post generated mass hysteria and had doomsday preppers scrambling for a bunker, only for the nation to discover that the ‘war’ was a battle with a highly processed crunch wrap.
In a valiant effort, a local maintenance worker and unwitting war hero, Jerry Sanderson, was called to restore the obliterated restroom. Armed with a mop and bucket, he valiantly entered the battlefield to fulfil his janitorial duty, braving the aftermath of Trump’s gastronomical rampage. Pray for his strength during these dark and odiferous times.
As the dust (and other particles) settle, the world catches its breath, realizing how close they came to utter chaos. Meanwhile, seemingly unphased, Trump takes to the golf course, ready to resume life as usual. Surely, the only lesson he’s learned from this ordeal is a newfound appreciation for the phrase “Live más” – and a determination to avoid Taco Bell in the foreseeable future.
