Manhattan, NY – Just when you thought 2023 couldn’t get any more bizarre, former President Donald Trump was spotted zipping around the Hudson River on a gold-plated jetski, moments after it was announced a whopping 34-count indictment against him for business fraud. Tossing caution and legal advice, the ever-entertaining entrepreneur put on a show that can only be described as “Fast and the Fraudulent” meets “Waterworld.”
Onlookers gathered along the shoreline, snapping photos and live-streaming the unlikely aquatic spectacle as the former leader of the free world zoomed past Lady Liberty, his signature MAGA hat firmly in place. Sources close to Trump confirmed that he had been considering various transportation methods to display his contempt for the legal system. Still, ultimately, the jetski was deemed the most outrageous option.
“The jetski really captured the essence of his defiance, you know? It’s like he’s saying, ‘Hey, I’m Trump, I’m untouchable, and also, I have a jetski,’” gushed one enthralled bystander, who admitted they had never seen a political figure engage in such a daring display of nautical nonsense before.
As Trump deftly maneuvered his aquatic steed through the choppy waters, he was overheard shouting catchphrases such as, “You can’t indict the wind!” and “I am the storm!” His impromptu joyride climaxed as he executed a triumphant loop around the iconic Statue of Liberty, almost as if to remind the world that freedom isn’t just about unalienable rights but also about jetski-based shenanigans.
Meanwhile, the Manhattan DA’s office scrambled to react to this unexpected maritime protest. “We didn’t think he’d actually…do that,” admitted a perplexed legal aide, as they stared at a live stream of Trump’s aquatic escapade on their phone. “But then again, nothing surprises me anymore.“
As the sun set on this bizarre day in New York City, Donald Trump finally returned to shore, greeted by cheers, jeers, and utter confusion. When asked for comment on his indictment, the former president grinned and said, “I think my jetski said it all.“