Manhattan, NY – As the world watched with bated breath, expecting a complex and protracted legal battle, former President and renowned businessman Donald Trump shocked everyone by offering a foolproof solution to the grand jury. In what can only be described as a seven-dimensional chess move, Trump suggested that he could present them with a colossal, larger-than-life novelty check to cover the whole legal kerfuffle.
“I’ve got the best checks, they’re tremendous, and this one’s huge, just like my hands,” Trump reportedly told the stunned jury. “I mean, who needs lawyers when you’ve got a big, beautiful novelty check like this one? It’s the art of the deal, folks!“
The former President’s bold approach has left legal scholars scrambling to rewrite textbooks, as his innovative “Gigantic-CheckMate” strategy promises to revolutionize courtroom proceedings. Aspiring attorneys worldwide eagerly await the release of Trump’s latest bestseller, “The Art of the Legal Deal: How to Win in Court with a Mammoth Novelty Check.”
In response to Trump’s offer, the Manhattan grand jury convened an emergency session to discuss the potential implications of accepting the gargantuan check. After several hours of deliberation, they agreed: why not accept the check and use it to fund a lavish, taxpayer-funded tropical vacation? After all, what could be more American than a little white-collar indulgence with a side of oversized satire?
However, Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg was not amused by Trump’s antics. “This is not a game, and you can’t just throw around giant novelty checks to make your legal troubles disappear,” Bragg said. “We will ensure that Mr. Trump is held accountable for his actions, no matter how many oversized, comical checks he tries to throw our way.“
Legal experts predict that Trump’s “Gigantic-CheckMate” strategy will not only resolve his own indictment but also pave the way for countless other wealthy individuals to write oversized novelty checks in lieu of facing legal consequences. “This is a game-changer,” said one prominent attorney. “Why didn’t we think of this before? It’s so simple, yet so absurdly entertaining!“
Meanwhile, the giant check itself has become an overnight sensation. Rumor has it that the Smithsonian Institution is already in talks to acquire the historical document for its collection. The check, rumored to be emblazoned with a gold-foil portrait of Trump himself, is expected to be the centrepiece of a new exhibit titled “The Greatest Legal Mind of Our Time: Check-ing Out with Style.”
As the nation collectively marvels at Trump’s innovative legal maneuver, one can’t help but wonder what other groundbreaking ideas the former President has up his sleeve.