In a move that could have been ripped straight from a Hollywood spy thriller, President Joe Biden has officially welcomed the International Criminal Court’s (ICC) decision to issue an arrest warrant against Russian President Vladimir Putin. In a jaw-dropping twist, Putin, a staunch advocate for global justice and rule of law, has vowed to turn himself in, but not before completing an epic bucket list, which reportedly includes tandem skydiving with Edward Snowden and a cross-country bear ride.
As the international community grapples with this shocking development, Putin’s pledge to surrender himself after “one last hurrah” has garnered a mix of reactions. Some praise the Russian leader’s commitment to accountability, while others speculate that the entire scenario is an elaborate ruse, masterminded by Putin himself, to buy time for his escape to an undisclosed island fortress.
Meanwhile, President Biden has been publicly commending the ICC for their bold move, stating in a press conference that he is “eagerly awaiting the day when President Putin faces the consequences of his actions.” However, White House insiders have allegedly revealed that Biden is secretly concerned about Putin’s surrender, as it may interfere with their highly anticipated, top-secret, one-on-one game of Marco Polo – an event dubbed by insiders as “the true test of international diplomacy.”
As Putin embarks on his farewell tour, reports have emerged that the Russian President has already completed several items on his bucket list, such as:
- Challenging Elon Musk to a shirtless Tesla race around the Kremlin.
- Learning to play the balalaika while riding a unicycle.
- Setting a Guinness World Record for the longest continuous judo match.
Social media has been buzzing with updates and reactions to Putin’s wild pre-incarceration escapades:
“@Vladventures OMG, just saw Putin race Elon Musk in a Tesla while shirtless! This is the best timeline. #PutinBucketList #ShirtlessTeslaRace“
As the world waits with bated breath for the conclusion of this unprecedented saga, the stage is set for a tense geopolitical showdown. Will Putin honor his word and turn himself in, or will he evade capture in a daring escape worthy of a James Bond villain? And will Biden and Putin ever get to play their fabled game of Marco Polo?