Transcending Mortality: Mansoor Unveils Ultimate Hydration for the Faithful
SILVER SPRING, MD – In a stunning proclamation that has sent shockwaves through the metal community, Periphery guitarist and founder Misha Mansoor has announced that he is, in fact, a deity. The revelation came during a recent live performance, where Mansoor declared to the awestruck crowd, “I am not just a mere mortal; I am the Guitar God! Bow before my divine djent!“
To solidify his newfound status, Mansoor has unveiled a line of Periphery-branded holy water, aptly named “Misha’s Miraculous Metalhead Moisture.” The sacred liquid, guaranteed to bless any metalhead with unmatched riffing abilities and an unquenchable thirst for progressive tunes, has fans scrambling to get their hands on a bottle.
The launch of Misha’s Miraculous Metalhead Moisture was accompanied by a tweet from the guitarist himself:
@MishaPeriphery: “I have transcended time, space, and the constraints of human ability. Let my divine water grant you the gift of metal. #MetalheadMoisture #GuitarGod“
The announcement has left many fans and fellow musicians reeling, with some expressing their undying devotion to the newly anointed deity while others questioned his sanity. “This is just ridiculous,” said one disgruntled fan, who asked to remain anonymous for fear of divine retribution. “Sure, Misha can shred, but God? That’s a bit much.“
On the other hand, some fans are embracing Mansoor’s divine revelation with open arms – and wallets. According to an unofficial poll on the Periphery subreddit, 85% of respondents said they would purchase the holy water. In comparison, 15% claimed to be “saving their money for the second coming of Meshuggah.”
One eager fan, @DjentleGiant, tweeted:
“Dude, I just ordered a case of #MetalheadMoisture! Can’t wait to bless my guitar and become the next Misha Mansoor. 🤘🎸 #GuitarGod #Periphery“
Despite the controversy, Misha’s Miraculous Metalhead Moisture has been flying off the (digital) shelves. The online store reportedly crashed within minutes of the product’s launch due to the overwhelming demand. Sources close to Mansoor have stated that he’s been working tirelessly to restock the supply, allegedly even bottling the water himself using his divine powers.
“Of course Misha’s doing it all himself,” said a supposed insider. “He’s a God now, remember? He can do anything. Just last week, I saw him turn a can of Monster Energy into a Les Paul.“
While the debate around Mansoor’s divinity continues to rage, one thing is certain: the metal community will never be the same. With Misha’s Miraculous Metalhead Moisture now flooding the market, it’s only a matter of time before we witness a surge of godlike guitarists shredding their way into the pantheon of progressive metal.
As the world braces for the impending wave of divine musicianship, we wonder what’s next for Misha Mansoor and his ever-growing legion of devout followers. Will he continue to bestow otherworldly gifts upon the masses, or will he be struck down by the guitar gods he claims to embody? Only time – and perhaps another bottle of holy water – will tell.
