Filed under: strategic memory loss
Former Vice President Mike Pence convened an impromptu press conference to express his “shock and disbelief” upon learning that Donald Trump will be indicted next week for paying hush money. Pence, who appeared visibly distraught, insisted that he was completely in the dark about the entire situation, maintaining that his former boss’s actions were an utter surprise and that he knew “not a single thing” about the hush money scandal.
As Pence tearfully recounted his feelings of betrayal and confusion in front of a captivated audience, social media exploded with reactions ranging from sympathy to skepticism:
“@VirtuousVeep2023 Poor Pence! He’s just an innocent bystander in this whole mess. #PenceKnewNothing #Blameless“
While Pence’s heartfelt performance resonated with some, others quickly doubted his claims of ignorance. Political analysts and armchair detectives have been scrutinizing Pence’s every move during his tenure as vice president, seeking evidence that might suggest he was aware of Trump’s alleged hush money payments.
Despite the growing skepticism surrounding Pence’s press conference, some supporters have already begun rallying behind the former VP, organizing candlelit vigils and composing heartfelt songs in his honor. One such tune, titled “The Ballad of Unknowing Mike,” has gone viral on social media, with its chorus becoming an unlikely battle cry for the Pence faithful:
“He knew nothing, nothing at all / Just an innocent man caught in the fall / Stand strong, Mike Pence, we’re with you through it all!“
As the internet continues to debate the veracity of Pence’s claims, amateur sleuths have uncovered an intriguing piece of evidence: a photograph of Pence standing beside Trump. At the same time, the then-President added “Hush Money for Dummies” to his Amazon shopping cart. The image, which has since been dubbed “Pence-gate” by online conspiracy theorists, has fueled even more speculation about the former VP’s knowledge of the hush money payments.
In response to the mounting controversy, Pence has doubled down on his stance of ignorance, with his spokesperson releasing the following statement:
“Vice President Pence was simply admiring the fine craftsmanship of President Trump’s smartphone during the alleged ‘Hush Money for Dummies’ incident. He remains steadfast in his claim that he knew nothing about any hush money payments.“
As the nation waits with bated breath for Trump’s upcoming indictment and the fallout that will inevitably follow, one thing is clear: Mike Pence’s “Hush Money Amnesia” has captivated the American public, leaving everyone to wonder if the former VP is truly as clueless as he claims, or if his carefully crafted persona is merely an elaborate ruse.
