It was a sweltering summer afternoon in the heart of Texas, where the air was as thick as the barbecue sauce slathered on the ribs. The scene: a glorious backyard BBQ, complete with the smoky aroma of charred meats, the sticky sweetness of homemade baked beans, and the mouth-watering sensation that is potato salad.
Enter the main character of our story, none other than the former President of the United States, Donald J. Trump. The crowd, a cacophony of cowboy hats and red, white, and blue attire, welcomed him with open arms and the promise of a feast fit for a king. Little did they know, this culinary celebration would soon be marred by a heinous act of BBQ betrayal.
The stage was set. The cook, a burly, bearded man who could easily pass as the love child of Paul Bunyan and a Harley-Davidson, stood proudly by his grill. His apron, emblazoned with the sacred words “Kiss the Cook,” was a testament to his culinary prowess and a beacon for those who knew the importance of BBQ etiquette.
And then, tragedy struck.
As Trump approached the grill, the atmosphere was electric with anticipation. The crowd held its collective breath, waiting for the sacred BBQ ritual to commence. The cook puffed out his chest, closed his eyes, and pursed his lips, ready to receive the customary smooch that would solidify the bond between the kisser and the brisket-whisperer.
But it never came.
In a blatant disregard for tradition, Trump breezed past the chef without so much as a peck on the cheek. The shockwave of disbelief rippled through the crowd, who could only watch in horror as the former leader of the free world defiled the sacred BBQ commandment.
Witnesses reported that the cook’s heart shattered into a million pieces, much like the crispy crust on a perfectly smoked rack of ribs. As the crowd struggled to process this egregious display of BBQ sacrilege, one thing became clear: this was an act of defiance that would not be forgotten.
“This is worse than the time he served fast food at the White House,” whispered one shell-shocked attendee, her voice quivering with emotion.
In the aftermath of the kissless encounter, social media erupted in a firestorm of indignant BBQ enthusiasts demanding justice for the snubbed cook. #KissTheCook trended on Twitter, accompanied by countless memes featuring Trump’s pursed lips photoshopped onto various cuts of meat.
No official statement has been issued by Trump or his camp regarding this cardinal BBQ sin. As the world grapples with this monumental betrayal of grilled meats and the cook’s who lovingly tend to them, one thing is for certain: at the next backyard cookout, all eyes will be on those sacred words, “Kiss the Cook,” and the powerful pucker that could have spared a nation from this unsavory scandal.
