In a divine display of punishment, God has reportedly unleashed waves of record-breaking heat across Australia to punish the country for its collective sins. The heat, which has been described as “unbearable” and “hellish” by locals, is said to be a direct result of Australia’s lack of repentance for its transgressions.
“Clearly, God is not pleased with Australia’s behavior,” said one religious scholar. “From its treatment of indigenous peoples to its disregard for the environment, Australia has a lot to answer for. The heat is just the beginning of the divine retribution that’s in store.“
The heat, which has caused widespread discomfort and even fatalities, has left many Australians wondering what they did to deserve such punishment. Some have even taken to social media to beg for forgiveness and plead with God to spare them.
“I’m sorry for all the times I skipped church and ate meat on Fridays,” tweeted one panicked user. “Please, God, have mercy on us and turn down the heat!“
Others, however, have taken a more skeptical view of the situation, pointing out that heatwaves are a natural occurrence and that there is no evidence to suggest that they are a punishment from God.
“It’s just weather, people,” said one scientist. “Heatwaves happen all the time, especially in Australia. There’s no need to invoke divine punishment to explain it.” despite scientists calling for calm, Australians have been seen buying bibles and holy memorabilia in large amounts, with the nation’s largest bible distributor selling out in a matter of hours after the weather news broke.
Regardless of the cause, it seems that the heatwave is here to stay for the foreseeable future. Perhaps Australians can take comfort in the fact that they’re not the only ones experiencing extreme weather – after all, if God is really punishing the world for its sins, there’s plenty of blame to go around.
