White House staffers were sent into a frenzy this afternoon after the discovery of several top secret documents, decades old receipts, and a half-eaten ham sandwich under the sofa in President Joe Biden’s office.
The documents contained some of the most sensitive information the nation has ever seen. One of the documents contained a classified list of every single person that Biden has hugged. Another contained a detailed plan for how the President plans to combat inflation through a series of intricate hush payments from China and Russia.
The receipts, which were dated from 1985, included charges for a pair of reading glasses, a gallon of milk, and a pound of ham.
The half-eaten ham sandwich was discovered by White House janitor, Dave Smith. When asked about the discovery, Smith said, “I was just cleaning under the President’s couch when I noticed something that looked like a sandwich. I picked it up and sure enough it was a ham sandwich. It looked like it had been there for years.”
The White House has yet to comment on the discovery, but sources close to the President have said that the documents were left behind by former president Donald Trump (despite the documents having Biden’s name on them) and that the receipts were likely left by Biden himself.
The ham sandwich, however, is still a mystery.
