Supreme Court Affirms Donald Trump’s Superior Intellect in 9-0 Decision

The Supreme Court of the United States, in a unanimous decision, has ruled that the former President, Donald Trump, is in fact a genius. The decision, handed down in a 9-0 ruling, has left the nation stunned and bewildered, prompting countless conspiracy theories and leaving millions of Americans questioning the legitimacy of the highest court…

ByAccomplished Author5 March 20240Comments

Opinion

My Unbelievable Encounter with America’s Most Controversial Prostate ‘Doctor’: A Dark Alley Healthcare Revolution?

In the shadowy corners of America's healthcare debate, where the discussion often oscillates between the exorbitant cost of insurance and the inaccessibility of timely medical care, I found myself exploring an option so radical that it could only exist in the whispered rumors of those desperate for an alternative. This is the story of…

ByAccomplished Author1 March 20240Comments

Science & Technology

Government Officials Now Probing Cryptocurrency Investors’ Buttholes!

In a bold move to reel in those who have profited from the recent surge in cryptocurrency prices, the IRS has announced a new policy that requires all Bitcoin investors to bend over and spread their legs. This directive is part of an effort to take a more hands-on approach to ensuring that the government…

ByAccomplished Author1 March 20240Comments

Politics

“President Biden Misplaces Pen: Nation Grapples With Unprecedented Crisis, Pencil Sales Skyrocket”

In an event that has brought the United States to its knees, a turn of events unfolded last night that could change the course of history forever. President Joe Biden has misplaced his favorite pen. The capricious tale began when Biden realized that the pen, a Montblanc Meisterstück with a hint of blue ink, was…

ByAccomplished Author9 August 20230Comments

Politics

Donald Trump Insists He Isn’t a Traitor, “I Just Sold Our Precious Secrets to the Highest Bidder and Compromised National Security”

In a stunning admission, former President Donald Trump has defended his actions during his presidency, claiming that he is not a traitor for selling sensitive information to foreign powers but rather a savvy businessman who knows how to get the best deal. "I didn't betray my country, I just made some great deals," said Trump…

ByAccomplished Author20 February 20230Comments

Life & Style

UFOs No Match for US Military Might During Superbowl Flyover

What was touted as the patriotic and awe-inspiring flyover for Superbowl LVII has been revealed to be yet another military attack on pesky extraterrestrial threats. "We thought it was just a routine flyover to pump up the crowd," said one bewildered spectator. "But then we saw the missiles and the lasers, and we were like,…

ByAccomplished Author13 February 20230Comments

Opinion

Opinion: All Balloons Should be Shot Down – Time to Burst the Bubble of Suspicious Floating Objects

In the wake of the recent balloon-gate, where the US shot down a Chinese spy balloon (or was it just a weather balloon?) that China insisted was just a weather balloon, despite there being multiple balloons spotted, I have come to the controversial conclusion that all balloons should be shot down. Hot air balloons, helium…

ByAccomplished Author5 February 20230Comments

Life & Style

US Military Mistakenly Shoots Down 78-Year-Old Carl Fredricksen and 8-Year-Old Russell’s Dream Adventure

Washington D.C. - In a shocking display of advanced military technology and zero situational awareness, the US military successfully took down an alleged Chinese spy balloon, only to find out it was actually the flying house of 78-year-old Carl Fredricksen and 8-year-old Russell, who were on a mission to fulfill the lifelong dream of Fredricksen's…

ByAccomplished Author5 February 20230Comments

Life & Style

US Shoots Down Chinese Weather Balloon, Leaves Millions Guessing Their Forecast

The United States military has taken down what they claim was a Chinese spy balloon, leaving millions of Chinese citizens without a clue as to what the weather will be like. According to sources, the US government had been tracking the suspicious object for a day or so before finally taking action. However, it turns…

ByAccomplished Author5 February 20230Comments

Politics

President Biden Found in Hot Water Once Again as Classified Documents Discovered at Local Jimmy John’s

Washington, D.C. - In yet another embarrassing blunder for the Biden Administration, a box of classified documents from the President's tenure as Vice President was discovered at a local Jimmy John's sandwich shop. Sources close to the situation report that the documents, which include sensitive information on national security and foreign relations, were found by…

ByAccomplished Author29 January 20230Comments