Taco Bell Hires Jared Fogle to Tap into Lucrative Prison Market

The fast-food giant Taco Bell has announced they are hiring convicted child molester and former Subway spokesperson Jared Fogle as their new Director of Prison Marketing. "We realized that the prison market is a untapped goldmine," said Taco Bell CEO Brian Niccol in a press release. "And who better to help us tap into that…

ByAccomplished Author2 May 20230Comments

Life & Style

Bad News! Subway Forced to Find New Cookie Dough Ingredient After Rare Animal Goes Extinct

Well, this sucks. The rare animal that secretes the special dough used in Subway's beloved cookies has gone extinct. The animal, known as the "Doughpaca," was found only in the remote mountains of South America and was the only known source of the unique dough used in Subway's cookies, known for its unique ability to…

ByAccomplished Author21 April 20230Comments

Music

Subway Releases Statement: Hacktivist Vocalist’s Rap Was ‘Too Hot to Handle’

In a shocking turn of events, the vocalist of British Limp Bizkit, Hacktivist, was caught on camera rapping his order to the sandwich artist behind the counter at Subway this morning. The incident, captured by a bystander and quickly spread across the internet, showed the vocalist launching a freestyle rap about his sandwich order. The…

ByAccomplished Author5 March 20230Comments

Life & Style

Prince Andrew Gets a Job at Subway to Try and Make Ends Meet, Makes Uncomfortable Innuendos to Customers

Prince Andrew, the Duke of York, has reportedly taken a job at a Subway sandwich shop in London to try and make ends meet. However, his tenure at the sandwich chain has been marked by uncomfortable interactions with customers, as the disgraced royal has been unable to resist making suggestive comments and innuendos. According to…

ByAccomplished Author20 February 20230Comments