It’s Official: It’s 2023 and Headless Guitars Are Cancelled

After decades of experimentation and misguided attempts at innovation, guitarists everywhere have finally come to their senses and realized that headless guitars are, in fact, fucking stupid. "We've been tricked for far too long by the promise of increased tuning stability and ergonomic design," said local musician Timmy Johnson. "But at the end of the…

ByAccomplished Author21 May 20230Comments

Music

World Finally Acknowledges Wes Borland as Creator of Djent, Everyone Feels Pretty Stupid

It's time to admit it: Wes Borland, the enigmatic guitarist of Limp Bizkit, is the true inventor of the subgenre known as "djent." For years, fans of the genre have credited bands like Meshuggah and Periphery with its creation, but it turns out that Borland was ahead of his time. "I remember being in the…

ByAccomplished Author28 March 20230Comments

Opinion

Why Are Guitar Manufacturers Still Selling Six String Guitars When We Only Need One?

Guitar manufacturers are the ultimate scam artists. We’re being taken for a ride with the six strings they attach to every guitar. We only need one string to make beautiful music, so why are they giving us five extra strings? Realistically, one string is all we need. We could tune it to a high note,…

ByAccomplished Author20 March 20230Comments

Opinion

Guitarists Have Been Playing ‘Smoke on The Water’ Wrong This Whole Time

It's a classic rock tune that has been around for generations; a song that just about everyone knows and loves. But it turns out that the way we've been playing Smoke On The Water for all of these years was actually wrong. The iconic riff that opens the song is actually supposed to be played…

ByAccomplished Author16 March 20230Comments

Music

Metal Band Sees The Error Of Their Ways After Taking Down Tabs From Ultimate Guitar

The metal band, Megalithic Destruction recently made a huge mistake when they asked Ultimate Guitar to take down guitar tabs for their older songs. What was supposed to be a stand against copyright infringement became a huge blunder for the group, as they soon realized they could not remember how to play some of their…

ByAccomplished Author6 March 20230Comments

Entertainment

It’s Official: 3 Year Old Already Out-Guitars You

A three-year-old has recently taken the guitar world by storm as he effortlessly shreds to classic rock and metal hits. The toddler, who goes by 'Rockin' Todd', has been wowing audiences with his impressive skill and finger dexterity, leaving many guitarists feeling inadequate by comparison. Rockin' Todd first picked up a guitar at a young…

ByAccomplished Author24 February 20230Comments

Music

Introducing Nevertune: The Guitar Tuners That Make Life Harder for Musicians Everywhere!

It's a problem that has been plaguing musicians for generations: guitars that stay in tune. But now, thanks to Nevertune, the revolutionary new guitar tuners, musicians can finally experience the frustration of constantly tuning their guitars. Nevertune tuners are designed to never stay in tune, no matter how hard you try. It goes out of…

ByAccomplished Author19 February 20230Comments

Music

Haunting No More! The Ghost That Has Haunted Slash’s Guitar For Years Finally Ascends to Rock ‘n Roll Heaven

It's a day of celebration for fans of Guns n' Roses and all of rock 'n roll as the ghost of Slash's guitar has finally ascended to the heavens after an impressive career of haunting. The spirit, believed to have been around since the band's inception in 1985, was known for causing various issues, including…

ByAccomplished Author14 February 20230Comments

Music

Walrus Audio Unveils Groundbreaking Effects Pedal: “The Horny Walrus”

Guitarists around the world are in for a treat! Walrus Audio, the renowned manufacturer of innovative guitar effects pedals, has just announced their latest creation: the Horny Walrus. This groundbreaking effects pedal is sure to revolutionize the way guitarists play. It takes your ordinary guitar tones and transforms them into something truly unique: the sound…

ByAccomplished Author11 February 20230Comments