Fantastic News: Toaster and Daft Punk Collaborate on #1 Hit Song of 2023

In a surprising turn of events, the beloved French electronic music duo Daft Punk and a sentient toaster named Billy have released the song of the year: "Toastin' the Night Away". Since its release, the song has quickly become the anthem of 2023, topping the charts in record time. The catchy beat and simple lyrics…

ByAccomplished Author16 January 20230Comments

Life & Style

Andrew Tate’s ‘Matrix’ Realization: Keanu Reeves Nowhere to be Found

Selff-proclaimed "alpha male" Andrew Tate is reportedly having a crisis of faith after realizing that the Matrix may not, in fact, be holding him prisoner in Romania. According to sources close to Tate, the epiphany came when he realized that Keanu Reeves, the star of the Matrix trilogy, had not made a surprise visit to…

ByAccomplished Author15 January 20230Comments

Entertainment

This Cute Dog Was the Best Behaved Celebrity of 2022. Good Boi

In a year filled with scandals, drama, and outrageous behavior from the rich and famous, there was one celebrity who stood out above the rest for their exemplary conduct: a cute little dog named Max. Max, a 4-year-old Golden Retriever, shot to fame in early 2022 after a video of him sitting patiently and obediently…

ByAccomplished Author15 January 20230Comments

Music

Lars Ulrich Sues Universe for Copyright Infringement

Lars Ulrich, the outspoken drummer of heavy metal band Metallica, has filed a lawsuit against the entire universe for copyright infringement. In a press conference held outside his Beverly Hills mansion, Ulrich declared that he was taking on the entire universe to protect his beloved band's intellectual property. "My band has been around for decades,…

ByAccomplished Author15 January 20230Comments

Entertainment

Michael Bay Blasts ‘Outrageous’ Accusations that He Murdered Pigeon on Set of 6 Underground, Claims it Was Actually Three Pigeons

Director Michael Bay has strongly denied allegations that he brutally killed a pigeon on the set of his 2019 film 6 Underground in Italy, insisting that the bird in question was actually a trio of pigeons. "These accusations are completely false and outrageous," said Bay in a statement. "I didn't kill one pigeon, it was…

ByAccomplished Author15 January 20230Comments

Music

Joe Rogan’s Stand Up Comedy Set Interrupted by DMT Elves!

The crowd was roaring with laughter as Joe Rogan cracked jokes about the latest political news. Little did they know, things were about to get a whole lot weirder. It all started when Joe Rogan decided to take some DMT before the show. It was supposed to be a fun night, but then the DMT…

ByAccomplished Author15 January 20230Comments

Life & Style

George Soros Vaccinates Population, Steals $50 from Each Wallet

Billionaire philanthropist and conspiracy theory fodder George Soros has been accused of vaccinating the entire population and stealing $50 from each individual's wallet during the process. According to sources close to Soros, the billionaire saw the opportunity to not only do some good by vaccinating the masses but also to "make a quick buck" by…

ByAccomplished Author15 January 20230Comments

Entertainment

Celebrity Tax Evader Given Light Slap on Wrist, Asked to Please Pay Next Time

A wealthy and well-known celebrity has been accused of breaking tax laws and has been given nothing more than a stern warning and a small fine. Sources close to the situation report that the celebrity, who has chosen to remain anonymous to avoid any further embarrassment, was caught failing to report millions of dollars in…

ByAccomplished Author15 January 20230Comments

Entertainment

Whoopi Goldberg Insists She’s Not Anti-Semitic, Just ‘Really, Really Good at Spotting Jews

In a bold move to clear her name, Whoopi Goldberg has come forward to insist that she is not, in fact, racist against Jewish people. "I just have a really good eye for spotting them," the comedian and talk show host explained in a recent interview. According to Goldberg, her impressive ability to identify Jewish…

ByAccomplished Author14 January 20230Comments

Opinion

The Pros and Cons of Going To A Nickelback Concert

The decision to attend a Nickelback concert should not be made lightly. After all, several considerations must be made, including how you want people to see you in the world. To make the decision a little easier, we have compiled a list of pros and cons you can use the next time you're faced with…

ByAccomplished Author14 January 20230Comments