Wow! 50 Cent Just Stopped By Our Office and Gave Us a Burner Phone

We never expected it to happen, but it did: 50 Cent just dropped off a burner phone for us! We were all surprised when he showed up at the office, casually strolling in as if nothing was out of the ordinary. His only demand was that we take the phone and wait for someone to…

ByAccomplished Author31 January 20230Comments

Music

Psychiatrist Baffled After Patient Insists ‘Djent’ Is Real

In a bizarre turn of events, a patient at the local mental health clinic has been insisting that the much-debated music genre ‘djent’ is a real thing. The patient, whose name has not been released, has been adamant in his claims, despite the fact that no one else in the room can hear the purported…

ByAccomplished Author31 January 20230Comments

Music

Tyler, The Creator Declares War on CCP, Promises to Single-Handedly Take Down Communism Worldwide

Rapper and fashion designer Tyler, The Creator has announced his plans to take on the Chinese Communist Party and bring an end to communism worldwide. Tyler declared to fans at a recent concert, "I may not know much about politics, but I do know that communism sucks. And I'm not gonna sit idly by while…

ByAccomplished Author30 January 20230Comments

Music

Taylor Swift Finally Admits She’s Just a Criminal With a Guitar

Taylor Swift has finally admitted what many of her fans have long suspected: that her music is actually about her criminal activities. "I can finally say it," the "You Belong With Me" singer said in a recent interview. "I'm not just writing songs about my relationships, or my breakups. I'm actually writing songs about my…

ByAccomplished Author30 January 20230Comments

Politics

President Biden Found in Hot Water Once Again as Classified Documents Discovered at Local Jimmy John’s

Washington, D.C. - In yet another embarrassing blunder for the Biden Administration, a box of classified documents from the President's tenure as Vice President was discovered at a local Jimmy John's sandwich shop. Sources close to the situation report that the documents, which include sensitive information on national security and foreign relations, were found by…

ByAccomplished Author29 January 20230Comments

Music

The Identity of The Vocalist of Sleep Token Has Been Revealed

Fans of the enigmatic band Sleep Token were left reeling this week when the true identity of the band's vocalist was finally revealed: none other than chart-topping pop star Ed Sheeran. For years, Sleep Token had kept the identity of their lead singer a closely guarded secret, leading fans to speculate that the voice behind…

ByAccomplished Author29 January 20231Comment

Life & Style

King Charles Issues Royal Decree: ‘There Is No Prince Andrew

King Charles has issued a royal decree stating that there is no Prince Andrew. According to sources close to the palace, the King made the announcement during a heated conversation with his second son, who has been embroiled in scandal in recent years. "I looked him straight in the eye and said, 'Andrew, there is…

ByAccomplished Author29 January 20230Comments

Music

Oasis Reuniting? Fans Unmoved by Prospect of More Mediocre Music

The world is in shock today as rumors swirl that beloved (or tolerable) British band Oasis may be reuniting. Fans everywhere are responding with a resounding "meh" to the news, as the band's reunion tour is poised to be nothing more than a nostalgia cash grab for a group of washed-up musicians who peaked in…

ByAccomplished Author29 January 20230Comments

Music

Matt Healy from The 1975 Cancelled: Fans Cry Foul as Band’s Frontman Goes Full Racist

Fans of The 1975 were left reeling today as the band's frontman, Matt Healy, was officially cancelled following a string of controversial remarks and a recent incident at a live show where he was stopped by the band before he could utter something racist. "It's just not acceptable for a musician to be so openly…

ByAccomplished Author29 January 20230Comments

Music

Experts Baffled by Unending Flood of K-Pop Bands: ‘Where Are They All Coming From?’

In a development that has left music industry experts scratching their heads, the number of K-pop bands continues to skyrocket at an alarming rate. "I mean, seriously, where are they all coming from?" said industry insider Kim Lee. "It's like they're being churned out of some kind of K-pop factory. And don't even get me…

ByAccomplished Author29 January 20230Comments