Ticketmaster Responds to Complaints About Fees: “We’re Adding More Just Because We Can”

Despite overwhelming complaints from customers, Ticketmaster has announced that it will be adding even more fees to its ticket sales. "We've heard you loud and clear on the fees, and we're happy to announce that we're adding even more of them just because we can," a Ticketmaster spokesperson announced in a press conference. According to…

ByAccomplished Author21 February 20230Comments

Politics

Joe Biden Asks Kremlin for Permission to Visit Ukraine, Offers to Bring Snacks and Ice Cream

President Joe Biden reportedly asked the Kremlin for permission to visit Ukraine hours before his recent diplomatic mission, and he also offered to bring some delicious snacks and ice cream. "Hey, it's Joe. Listen, I'm planning on visiting Ukraine soon, and I just wanted to make sure it's okay with you guys," Biden can be…

ByAccomplished Author21 February 20230Comments

Music

Ice-T Demands to be Frozen Alive After Receiving Hollywood Walk of Fame Star

Hip-hop legend and "Law and Order: SVU" star Ice-T caused a stir on the Hollywood Walk of Fame yesterday when he demanded to be cryogenically frozen alive, just moments after receiving his own star on the iconic sidewalk. The rapper-turned-actor shocked fans and reporters alike when he announced that he was "ready to be put…

ByAccomplished Author21 February 20230Comments

Music

Rock Legend Ozzy Osbourne Trades In Touring for Corporate Sellout Life, Stars in PlayStation VR 2 Commercial

The world of rock and roll was rocked to its core recently when Ozzy Osbourne announced that he would no longer tour and instead be embracing the life of a full-time corporate sellout. The Prince of Darkness wasted no time getting started on his new venture, with his first gig as a sellout being a…

ByAccomplished Author21 February 20230Comments

Life & Style

Harvey Weinstein Tells Us All About Relationships – and it’s Not Pretty!

In a surprising move, disgraced former movie mogul Harvey Weinstein has taken it upon himself to offer his two cents on relationships - and it's not a pretty picture. The recently incarcerated Weinstein, who is awaiting trial on a number of charges related to sexual misconduct, held a unsolicited press conference today in our office…

ByAccomplished Author21 February 20230Comments

Science & Technology

Elon Musk Finally Releases the Twitter #FauciFiles and It’s Not What You Would Expect

In a move that has amused and infuriated conspiracy theorists, Twitter CEO Elon Musk has released the long-awaited #FauciFiles, only to reveal that they're just a collection of silly memes and cat videos. The #FauciFiles have been a subject of intense speculation among QAnon supporters and other conspiracy theorists, who believe that they contain secret…

ByAccomplished Author20 February 20230Comments

Music

RIP Pop Smoke: Fans Celebrate Third Anniversary of Pop Smoke’s Death by Playing His Music Incomprehensibly Loud

On the third anniversary of Pop Smoke's tragic passing, fans worldwide are remembering the rapper's unique style of "mumble rap" by playing his music at ear-splitting volumes, even though they can't understand a single word he's saying. "I'm blasting Pop Smoke's 'Welcome to the Party' so loud that I can feel my eardrums vibrating," said…

ByAccomplished Author20 February 20230Comments

Entertainment

Tom Holland and Tobey Maguire to Do Rock Paper Scissors, Best Two out of Three for Role of Spider-Man in Spider-Man 4 That Is Currently Being Written

In a showdown for the ages, actors Tom Holland and Tobey Maguire are set to face off in a high-stakes game of rock paper scissors to determine who will play the titular role in Spider-Man 4, the highly anticipated sequel that is currently in the works. Sources close to the production have confirmed that both…

ByAccomplished Author20 February 20230Comments

Politics

Donald Trump Insists He Isn’t a Traitor, “I Just Sold Our Precious Secrets to the Highest Bidder and Compromised National Security”

In a stunning admission, former President Donald Trump has defended his actions during his presidency, claiming that he is not a traitor for selling sensitive information to foreign powers but rather a savvy businessman who knows how to get the best deal. "I didn't betray my country, I just made some great deals," said Trump…

ByAccomplished Author20 February 20230Comments

Life & Style

God Unleashes Waves of Heat Across Australia to Punish Them for Their Sins

In a divine display of punishment, God has reportedly unleashed waves of record-breaking heat across Australia to punish the country for its collective sins. The heat, which has been described as "unbearable" and "hellish" by locals, is said to be a direct result of Australia's lack of repentance for its transgressions. "Clearly, God is not…

ByAccomplished Author20 February 20230Comments