Jake Paul Asks Girlfriend’s Boyfriend to Open Jar, Another Crushing Defeat for YouTuber Turned Boxer

In yet another sign of his decline, YouTuber turned boxer Jake Paul was caught on camera asking his girlfriend's boyfriend to open a jar for him. The embarrassing incident has left many wondering if Paul's days in the ring are numbered. According to sources close to the couple, Paul had been attempting to open a…

ByAccomplished Author6 March 20230Comments

Entertainment

Mr Beast Takes Capitalism to the Next Level with Request for Free Labor

Popular YouTube star and philanthropist Mr Beast has done it again, folks. He's found a new and innovative way to push the limits of capitalism. In a recent tweet, Mr Beast requested his millions of followers to clean up the presentation of Feastables, a brand of snacks sold in Walmart and soon-to-be other retailers. At…

ByAccomplished Author6 March 20230Comments

Music

Metal Band Sees The Error Of Their Ways After Taking Down Tabs From Ultimate Guitar

The metal band, Megalithic Destruction recently made a huge mistake when they asked Ultimate Guitar to take down guitar tabs for their older songs. What was supposed to be a stand against copyright infringement became a huge blunder for the group, as they soon realized they could not remember how to play some of their…

ByAccomplished Author6 March 20230Comments

Life & Style

Starbucks Customers Rejoice as Frog in Coffee Machine Boosts Flavor

In what constitutes many violations of the local health code, a frog somehow found its way into a Starbucks coffee machine and got trapped. But instead of causing an uproar, customers are raving about the new flavor. "I don't know what they did differently, but this coffee is amazing," said one customer. "It's like there's…

ByAccomplished Author6 March 20230Comments

Music

The National’s New Song ‘Tropic Morning News’ So Boring, It Puts Listeners to Sleep!

Indie rock band The National has just released a new song from their upcoming album, First Two Pages of Frankenstein. Titled "Tropic Morning News," the song is a perfect example of how music can be used as a sedative. The National's signature dreary style is in full force, with lead singer Matt Berninger's low and…

ByAccomplished Author5 March 20230Comments

Life & Style

Andrew Tate Let’s Us Down Again, Fails to Develop Lung Cancer

Fans of Andrew Tate were left disappointed yet again this week, as the controversial figure announced that he does not have lung cancer. Tate, who is known for his outlandish behavior and controversial opinions, was subject to a recent online rumor he had lung cancer. But it turns out that he was just trying to…

ByAccomplished Author5 March 20230Comments

Science & Technology

Twitter Blue Users Under Attack as Broke and Lonely Unverified Twitter Users Turn to Jealousy and Spite

It's a classic case of the haves versus the have-nots: as more and more Twitter users struggle to make ends meet, they're turning their anger and frustration towards those who can afford to pay for Twitter Blue's coveted blue tick. And according to economists, the situation is only getting worse. "Many of these Twitter users…

ByAccomplished Author5 March 20230Comments

Politics

Donald Trump Caught Scrounging for Change, Faces Bankruptcy for 12th Time: Is This the End of His Golden Toilet Dreams?

It's a scene straight out of a tragicomedy: the former President of the United States, billionaire businessman, and self-proclaimed "stable genius" is caught rummaging through his sofa cushions for loose change. But for Donald Trump, this isn't just a moment of embarrassment—it's a sign of his impending financial ruin. According to sources close to the…

ByAccomplished Author5 March 20230Comments

Music

Aussie Metalcore Band Patient Sixty-Seven Partners with Bunnings to Give Fans Snags at Upcoming Shows

Australian metalcore band Patient Sixty-Seven is teaming up with hardware store giant Bunnings to give fans a delicious treat at their upcoming shows: snags. That's right, the beloved Australian delicacy of sausages on cheap stale bread will now be available to headbangers and moshers alike. "We know that our fans are hungry for more than…

ByAccomplished Author5 March 20230Comments

Music

Subway Releases Statement: Hacktivist Vocalist’s Rap Was ‘Too Hot to Handle’

In a shocking turn of events, the vocalist of British Limp Bizkit, Hacktivist, was caught on camera rapping his order to the sandwich artist behind the counter at Subway this morning. The incident, captured by a bystander and quickly spread across the internet, showed the vocalist launching a freestyle rap about his sandwich order. The…

ByAccomplished Author5 March 20230Comments