Move Over Biden, 13-Year-Old Prodigy Announces Presidential Bid for 2060

A 13-year-old child from middle America announced his candidacy for President of the United States in 2060. The precocious young lad, who prefers to go by the name "Johnny," held a press conference on his front lawn to make the big announcement. "I've been watching the news, and I just don't think any of these…

ByAccomplished Author19 March 20230Comments

Politics

World Leaders on Edge as Joe Biden Endorses ICC Warrant, Vladimir Putin Pledges to Turn Himself In After One Last Ride on Bear

In a move that could have been ripped straight from a Hollywood spy thriller, President Joe Biden has officially welcomed the International Criminal Court's (ICC) decision to issue an arrest warrant against Russian President Vladimir Putin. In a jaw-dropping twist, Putin, a staunch advocate for global justice and rule of law, has vowed to turn…

ByAccomplished Author18 March 20230Comments

Music

Kanye’s Boulevard of Broken Dreams: Yeezy Shoes and CDs Now Sold by the Man Himself on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame

Hollywood, CA - In a scene with fans and foes shaking their heads, Kanye West, the once-untouchable music mogul, has been spotted peddling Yeezy shoes and copies of his own CDs on Hollywood Boulevard. A far cry from his previous life of private jets, red carpets, and Kardashian drama, the rapper-turned-entrepreneur has taken to the…

ByAccomplished Author18 March 20230Comments

Politics

Air Force One Touches Down, World Leaders Tremble as Biden Debuts the Presidential Hokey Pokey

President Joe Biden sent shockwaves through the global community by exiting Air Force One and immediately launching into a groundbreaking Hokey Pokey performance. International leaders and policy experts, who had gathered to witness the President's arrival, were left slack-jawed and scrambling for answers, as the 46th President of the United States took foreign policy to…

ByAccomplished Author18 March 20230Comments

Music

The Secret Taylor Swift Fan: ‘I Don’t Like Pop Music’ He Says, As He Sings ‘Shake It Off’

Bob Johnson, a self-proclaimed 'pop-hater', has been fooling his friends and family for years. He's always been very vocal about his dislike for radio pop music and his preference for classic rock and country, but the truth has finally come out - he knows almost all the words to Taylor Swift songs. "I've heard him…

ByAccomplished Author18 March 20230Comments

Music

Tim Lambesis of As I Lay Dying Blames Steroids for Slumping Ticket Sales

San Diego, CA - As ticket sales for As I Lay Dying's latest tour continue to nosedive, frontman Tim Lambesis has resorted to an unusual scapegoat: steroids. In a desperate bid to explain away the band's lacklustre turnout, Lambesis claims that his infamous steroid-fueled past is to blame for the disinterest rather than the band's…

ByAccomplished Author18 March 20230Comments

Life & Style

The Great St. Paddy’s Conspiracy: Liver Specialists Caught Green-Handed in Creating World’s Booziest Holiday

Dublin, Ireland - As the world dons green attire, chugs copious amounts of beer and pretends to be Irish for a day, a shocking revelation threatens to taint the beloved St. Patrick's Day celebrations. Investigative journalists have uncovered that the holiday's true origin can be traced back to a group of liver specialists who, centuries…

ByAccomplished Author18 March 20230Comments

Life & Style

Elon Musk Seizes Control of World with Terror Drones

In a shocking move of global domination, tech mogul Elon Musk has unleashed his army of terror drones and has seized control of the world. The drones, outfitted with high-tech sensors and facial recognition technology, have been seen patrolling the skies of major cities like New York, London, and Tokyo. These drones have been programmed…

ByAccomplished Author18 March 20230Comments

Politics

Ukraine on the Brink of Victory: Just a Few More Dollars and Your Hilarious Memes to Crush Russia!

Kyiv, Ukraine - In an unprecedented development, Ukraine has declared that it's just a few dollars short of achieving total victory in the war against Russia. With donations pouring in from around the globe, the world watches in anticipation as the fate of Eastern Europe lies in the hands of benevolent internet users armed with…

ByAccomplished Author17 March 20230Comments

Music

Ronnie Radke the Andrew Tate of Alt Music Gets Himself Cancelled: A Story of Misogyny, Racism, and Terrible Music.

Las Vegas, NV - Ronnie Radke, the lead singer of Falling in Reverse, has found himself in hot water yet again. This time, it's not just for his terrible music, but for his problematic behavior. Radke, who has been compared to alt-right figure Andrew Tate, has been accused of numerous instances of misogyny and racism.…

ByAccomplished Author17 March 20230Comments