Jungkook, Military General, Ushers in New Era of BTS Takeover After Successful Military Coup

Today, the people of South Korea were in for a surprise when the K-pop group BTS announced that their member Jungkook had been appointed to the position of military general. The group announced that the decision had been made in order to ensure that their music and messages would be heard loud and clear. In…

ByAccomplished Author16 May 20230Comments

Entertainment

Leaked Succession Season 4 Finale Script Serves Up Logan Roy’s Rat-Fueled Parting Gift Extravaganza

We've gotten our filthy paws on the coveted leaked script for the final episode of Succession, Season 4, Episode 10, and holy shit, you're in for a ride. In true sociopathic patriarch fashion, the late Logan Roy has left his treacherous offspring a parting gift that'll have fans gasping and laughing all the way to…

ByAccomplished Author15 May 20230Comments

Reviews

Veil of Maya’s [m]other Album: A Lovechild of Dubstep and Racing Game Menu Music

Veil of Maya, the once-revered pioneers of the metal scene, have released their latest album, [m]other, with a daring new approach. This highly-anticipated album combines the sweet, sweet sounds of drop-tuned chugs, club beats, and synthwave to create a nostalgic tribute to 2003's most iconic gaming experience: the Need for Speed menu screen. The album…

ByAccomplished Author15 May 20230Comments

Life & Style

Gen Z’s Dairy Queen Tramp Stamp Obsession Conquers TikTok

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — If you thought the Tide Pod Challenge was ridiculous, brace yourself for the latest TikTok craze giving parents a meltdown. Gen Z has gone from licking ice cream to getting it permanently etched on their bodies in the form of Dairy Queen tramp stamps, and the trend shows no signs of…

ByAccomplished Author15 May 20230Comments

Music

Lars Ulrich from Metallica Proves That He’s Still Relevant by Eating His Own Drum Set

In a desperate attempt to prove that he still has relevance in the music industry, Metallica's drummer Lars Ulrich recently decided to prove himself by eating his own drum set. The stunt was broadcast live on Lars' Instagram account, and it quickly gained the attention of millions across the world. For the stunt, Lars chose…

ByAccomplished Author15 May 20230Comments

Music

6ix9ine Declares He’s ‘No Snitch’, But Will Spill the Beans To Police

New York rapper 6ix9ine, who was recently released from prison, recently caused a stir when he declared he was “no snitch” during an interview with police. The officers, who were initially skeptical, found themselves in for a wild ride. “I’m not a snitch,” 6ix9ine declared before pausing and adding, “But I will tell you this…”…

ByAccomplished Author14 May 20230Comments

Life & Style

Krispy Kreme Unveils “Girthy Glazers”: Donuts with Slightly Bigger Holes for Men Who Boast Above Average Girth

Krispy Kreme has announced its latest and most risqué culinary creation: the "Girthy Glazer." These titillating new donuts cater specifically to men who possess "above average" girth, finally allowing them to enjoy a donut that truly understands their unique needs. For years, men with above-average girth have suffered in silence as they struggled to find…

ByAccomplished Author13 May 20230Comments

Entertainment

Holy Smokes! Danny DeVito Storms the Stage and Steals the Show at Christian Rock Concert

Danny DeVito made a surprise appearance at a Christian rock concert this past weekend and caused a scene that is still reverberating throughout the Christian music scene. The diminutive actor, who is known for his roles in films such as Twins, The Lorax and Batman Returns, was not on the lineup for the concert, but…

ByAccomplished Author13 May 20230Comments

Music

Miley Cyrus Implicates Father Billy Ray in Catalytic Converter Thefts

Billy Ray Cyrus of "Achy Breaky Heart" fame has been accused of stealing catalytic converters around the country. Sources close to the singer say that he has been moonlighting as a "catalytic converter burglar" for some time. In a statement, his daughter Miley Cyrus alludes to her father's criminal activity in her most popular songs.…

ByAccomplished Author12 May 20230Comments

Life & Style

Sara Lee Desserts CEO Sends Unionizing Employees to “Sweet Retreats” for a Taste of Hard Labor

The CEO of Sara Lee Desserts, Chadwick "Sweet Tooth" Thompson, has announced that any employees caught attempting to unionize will be promptly escorted to exclusive "Sweet Retreats" – a euphemism for hard labor camps – until they realize the error of their ways and renounce their unionizing efforts. The decision came after whispers of discontent…

ByAccomplished Author11 May 20230Comments