Reviving Beatles Music with AI and Dumpster Nuggets: Paul McCartney Undead and Unapologetic

In a staggering act of musical resurrection combined with delightful vindication, Sir Paul McCartney wheeled out artificial intelligence to conjure an eerily fascinating unfinished Beatles song, obliterating all tiresome tales of his premature demise and igniting a dumpster fire of conspiracy theories. During a recent chat with Radio 4’s Today Programme, the immortal McCartney emphasized…

ByAccomplished Author14 June 20230Comments

Politics

Trump Cuffed: Will Holding Criminally-inclined Ex-Presidents Accountable Ruin America’s Time-honored Tradition?

You might want to sit down for this one because an earth-shattering crack has just split the fabric of our nation: beloved former reality TV star, KFC lover, and former president, Donald J. Trump, has been arrested. No, you didn't misread that – he's actually been held. Accountable. For something. It's a devastating day for…

ByAccomplished Author14 June 20230Comments

Entertainment

Adam Sandler Strikes Again: New Netflix Film Promises to Destroy Another Evening of Your Life

LOS ANGELES, CA - Just when you thought it was safe to browse Netflix without fear of stumbling upon another cringe-inducing film, Adam Sandler, the beloved yet often perplexing comedy icon, has announced he's returning with another Netflix movie that is guaranteed to waste approximately two hours of your rapidly fleeting existence. The upcoming film,…

ByAccomplished Author14 June 20230Comments

Entertainment

Tom Hanks and Police Engage in Bizarre ‘Wilson’ Shouting Match at Local Starbucks

Los Angeles, CA - A seemingly ordinary day at a local Starbucks quickly escalated into an absurdist spectacle when Hollywood legend Tom Hanks, upon being asked for his name by the unsuspecting barista, began to repeatedly shout "Wilson" at the top of his lungs. In a turn of events that can only be described as…

ByAccomplished Author13 June 20230Comments

Music

Throwing Shade: Morgan Freeman’s Bizarre Rant About Australian Metalcore Band Patient Sixty-Seven!

Perth, Australia – Hollywood legend and renowned voiceover artist Morgan Freeman has reportedly become embroiled in a bizarre feud with Australian metalcore band Patient Sixty-Seven. The esteemed actor, known for his iconic roles in films such as The Shawshank Redemption and Driving Miss Daisy, shocked fans and industry insiders alike with his uncharacteristically harsh critique…

ByAccomplished Author12 June 20230Comments

Music

Post Malone Adds Even More Ridiculous Tattoos to His Already Crowded Face

Rapper Post Malone has added more permanent drawings to his crowded face. The new tattoos, which include a cartoonish depiction of a slice of pizza and a portrait of his beloved pet turtle, have left fans both confused and amused. Sources close to the rapper say that Malone had been planning the new ink for…

ByAccomplished Author11 June 20230Comments

Science & Technology

Mark Zuckerberg Requests Updates to His Software to Be Able to Express New Emotions to be More Relatable to Facebook Users

Mark Zuckerberg, the CEO of Facebook, has requested updates to his software that will allow him to express new emotions to better connect with users. The move comes after criticism that Zuckerberg comes across as robotic and out of touch with the average Facebook user. According to sources within Facebook, Zuckerberg has been working closely…

ByAccomplished Author10 June 20230Comments

Music

Steel Panther Exposed as Government Mind Control Experiment

Who else had this on their 2023 bingo card? It has been revealed that the hair metal band Steel Panther was not a real band but rather a top-secret government experiment in mind control. According to sources inside the government, the band was created in a lab in the late 1990s to manipulate the masses.…

ByAccomplished Author9 June 20230Comments

Music

Tool Announces New Album, Releasing May 10, 2029 – Fans Wonder If They’ll Live Long Enough to Hear It

In a long-awaited announcement that has left fans both excited and skeptical, prog rock band Tool has revealed that they will be releasing a new album on May 10, 2029, 10 years after their last album was released. The announcement has been met with a mix of reactions, with some fans ecstatic about the news…

ByAccomplished Author8 June 20230Comments

Music

Avenged Sevenfold Has a Special Announcement For Their Fans: ‘Fuck You, We’re on Acid!’

Avenged Sevenfold, have released their latest sonic onslaught with a heartfelt message for their fans: "Fuck you." Their new album, titled "Life Is But a Dream…," is an intricate tapestry of cognitive dissonance and unbridled hallucinatory chaos, reminiscent of a Salvador Dali painting after a hit of peyote. From the gritty underbelly of Huntington Beach,…

ByAccomplished Author7 June 20230Comments