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Music

Spreading the Love: Pearl Jam’s New Jam and Preserve Empire Proves They Can Rock Your Bread Too

Forget arenas and record albums; rockers Pearl Jam are about to dominate kitchen shelves everywhere. The iconic '90s grunge band announced today that they are launching “Pearl Jam Jams” - their artisanal jams, jellies, and preserves. That's right, folks: it's time to stock up on some sourdough and prepare for the unprecedented, tasty fusion of…
30 June 20230Comments

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Life & Style

What is a Woman?” Asks Incel, Who Hasn’t Lost His Virginity Yet

Hunkered down in his basement lair, surrounded by an assortment of waifu body pillows, 32-year-old self-proclaimed involuntary celibate (incel) Kevin McMasterson has embarked on an intrepid scientific quest to figure out the mystery of womanhood. Unsurprisingly, Kevin has yet to uncover the secret to losing his virginity or interacting successfully with half of the human…
29 June 20230Comments

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Life & Style

Chaos in the Coop: KFC Unveils Emergency Protocols Amid Fears of Zombie Colonel Sanders’ Revival and Cravings for Employee Brains

LOUISVILLE, KY - An unauthorized peek at KFC's top-secret playbook for dealing with potential crises has exposed a truly fowl scenario: one in which Colonel Sanders – zombified and hungering for cranium cuisine – wreaks havoc upon the company by feasting on the brains of unsuspecting KFC employees. KFC has elected to unveil their contingency…
28 June 20230Comments

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Life & Style

“I’m a Dog Mom!” Boasts Woman Condescendingly to Exhausted Newborn Parents

(New York, NY) At a local Starbucks on a sunny afternoon, tired newborn parents Sarah and Mike Thompson sipped their much-needed coffee while juggling their 2-month-old baby, Emily. Just as they stole a short-lived moment of peace, dog mom, Melanie Baxter brazenly interrupted their fleeting tranquillity. Flashing her iPhone wallpaper, Baxter revealed her fur baby,…
27 June 20230Comments

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Politics

Australian PM Albanese’s ‘Inflation Comedy’ Bombs Harder than the Housing Market Crash of ’08

Australian Prime Minister Anthony Albanese, better known in the satirical circuit as "Albo the Comic Kango," decided Saturday Night Live was a bit mainstream. He took his raucous talents to the mundane yet cherished institution - Parliament House. His target? The painfully unfunny topic of inflation. "Now, look, there's this joke I've been working on,"…
26 June 20230Comments

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Music

The Rolling Stones Unmasked: Child Labor Camp in Africa Revealed to Be the Secret Songwriting Force Behind Their Biggest Hits

LONDON, UK – For decades, the Rolling Stones have been hailed as one of the most iconic rock bands in history. However, recent shocking revelations have exposed a dark secret behind their legendary status: a covert network of African child labor camps, where young songwriters have been toiling away to create the band's unforgettable hits.…
24 June 20230Comments

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