Axe Body Spray’s Hidden Agenda to Boost Military Enlistment Uncovered

The makers of Axe body spray have long kept a secret from American consumers, leaving them in the dark to bask in the intoxicating fumes of prepubescent desperation blindly. Recent investigations have exposed their long-held clandestine agenda: to seduce the nation's youth into enlisting in the military by flooding the market with the unmistakable aroma…

ByAccomplished Author14 July 20230Comments

Music

Kings of Leon to Set Ablaze the Entire Stadium with Exclusive ‘Sex on Fire’ Concert!

Nashville, TN – In an unprecedented move with fans reaching for their extinguishers, Kings of Leon announced today their plans for a one-night-only concert experience that will ignite your loins. Brace yourselves, Kings of Leon enthusiasts, because the multi-platinum rock band just revealed that they will be playing their 2008 mega-hit, "Sex on Fire," and…

ByAccomplished Author13 July 20230Comments

Science & Technology

Former Crypto Bro Turned AI Bro Announces He Is Pivoting Back To Crypto

Just when you thought the yo-yo antics of tech moguls couldn't get any more nausea-inducing, here comes our favorite silicon valley chameleon, Brad Barkley, to prove us all wrong. You know him - he's the guy who's jumped more ships than a pirate with severe commitment issues. Well, buckle up, because he's at it again.…

ByAccomplished Author12 July 20230Comments

Music

André 3000 Gets Cancelled: Outkast Star Outcasted as Internet Tears Apart His Legacy

Atlanta, GA - In a display of woke gone wrong social media solidarity, Twitter users have banded together to cancel André 3000, the beloved musician and one-half of the iconic duo Outkast. The cancellation comes after an exhaustive investigation into his "offensive" lyrics, "problematic" fashion choices, and apparent lack of avocado toast appreciation. The Twitterverse…

ByAccomplished Author12 July 20230Comments

Entertainment

Jonah Hill Booted from Hollywood’s Elite for Offensively Mispronouncing Quinoa

Los Angeles, CA - As the sun set on the glamorous land of Hollywood, a new pariah was birthed out of the shallow depths of celebrity culture. This time, we're not talking about someone who's had a scandalous affair with a pool float or the one who cheated in a celebrity Scrabble tournament. No, we're…

ByAccomplished Author11 July 20230Comments

Science & Technology

Developer Insists ‘It Worked On My Machine’ as Code Crashes in Spectacular Fashion

Tampa Bay, FL - In a textbook demonstration of utter denial, local software engineer Mike McGonagall insisted with a straight face that his supposedly bug-free code was "working just fine" on his machine mere moments before. This despite his latest "fix" having just sent the company's primary application into a tailspin akin to a flaming…

ByAccomplished Author11 July 20230Comments

Life & Style

It’s 1995: Mountain Dew, Blockbuster, and Your Best Friend Is Sleeping Over

Dewsbury, West Yorkshire, 1995 - Buckle up, buttercups. It's Friday night, and it's about to get wild. The scent of your mom's lasagna is still wafting from the kitchen, but you and your main man Billy "Buzzsaw" Jenkins, are about to embark on a pilgrimage that will put the Odyssey to shame. Your first stop?…

ByAccomplished Author11 July 20230Comments

Life & Style

Olive Garden’s Master Plan for Worldwide Domination Hinges on Tom Hanks Family Cookbook

Fasten your seatbelts, pasta enthusiasts; we've got a saucy scoop that will change the way you view your favorite faux-Italian casual dining chain: Olive Garden, long rumored to be the epicentre of a secretive and powerful culinary empire, has been exposed as the home of a multi-national cabal whose sole intent is to dominate the…

ByAccomplished Author11 July 20230Comments

Science & Technology

Tech Rebellion! Furious Coders Ditch React, Pledge Allegiance to Pure HTML in Ultimate Spite Fest

In the world of Silicon Valley, where the unsung heroes of our time, the programmers, dwell amidst RGB-lit mechanical keyboards and overpriced, fair-trade, gluten-free, vegan, artisanal coffee, a rebellion is brewing. React, the hotshot Javascript library every hipster techie once adored, is now receiving the cold shoulder. In a move brimming with irony and frustration,…

ByAccomplished Author10 July 20230Comments

Music

Local Punk Band Writes Songs About Taking Down Corporations But Members Work Corporate Desk Jobs

Local punk band, The Corporate Exterminators, has been making headlines recently for their politically charged songs about taking down corporations. While the band is beloved by their fans for their anti-establishment messages, the band members have come under fire for their own corporate lifestyles. The band's frontman, Eric Smith, and lead guitarist, Tim Johnson, both…

ByAccomplished Author10 July 20230Comments