LOS ANGELES — Timothée Chalamet has officially failed bartending school, according to sources close to the situation and at least one laminated syllabus that described the outcome as “technically not passing.”
Chalamet enrolled last fall under the name Tim C., telling classmates he wanted to learn “a practical skill” and “understand liquids with intention.” Instructors say he was polite, attentive, and deeply uninterested in measurements.
“He refused to use the jigger,” said one instructor. “He said free pouring was about honesty.”
The breaking point reportedly came during the midterm, when students were required to make a classic Negroni. Chalamet substituted mezcal for gin, forgot the Campari entirely, and served it silently while maintaining eye contact. When asked to remake the drink, he nodded once and instead placed an orange peel on the bar like a symbolic apology.
School administrators confirmed that while Chalamet demonstrated a strong emotional relationship with glassware, he consistently failed core competencies including speed, consistency, and acknowledging other customers.
“He treated every order like a monologue,” said a classmate. “Someone asked for a vodka soda and he asked what that meant to them.”
Chalamet’s final evaluation cited an inability to multitask, a tendency to wander behind the bar during rush simulations, and a habit of whispering drink names before pouring them. One note simply read: does not respect ice.
With bartending no longer a viable path, industry watchers are speculating about what comes next for the actor, whose brand has long hovered between intentional fragility and expensive confusion.
A representative declined to comment directly, but confirmed Chalamet is “open to new forms of labor.”
Among the rumored pivots:
Artisanal candle shop employee
Sources say he has already practiced saying “this one smells like waiting” without smiling.
Museum audio guide voice
Test recordings reportedly caused several listeners to stop walking and stare at a wall until security intervened.
Independent bookstore ladder specialist
An ideal role involving climbing, reaching, and recommending books he has not finished.
Sommelier without certification
“He doesn’t describe the wine,” said one insider. “He describes the year as a feeling.”
There is also talk of a soft launch into pottery, though friends worry the wheel may “ground him too much.”
For his part, Chalamet has not expressed bitterness about the bartending setback. In a brief statement posted to a private Instagram story visible only to close friends and one confused stylist, he wrote: “Some pours are not meant to land.”
At press time, he was reportedly seen sitting at an outdoor café, holding an empty glass with both hands, listening carefully to nothing, and waiting for someone to ask him what’s next.
