Hollywood, CA — After years of quietly tolerating what sources call “an escalating war of passive-aggressive gestures,” actress Nicole Kidman publicly declared on Tuesday that she’s officially done playing nice and will personally ensure actor Zach Galifianakis “faces consequences.”
“Honestly, I’m sick of his bullshit,” Kidman reportedly told friends at a private event in Beverly Hills. “He’s pushed me to my limit. He’s funny, sure, if you’re into that, but enough is enough. Zach’s had this coming for a long time.“
Kidman’s unexpected statement comes amid widespread industry whispers that Galifianakis, beloved for his awkward comedy stylings and intentionally cringe-inducing interviews, may have crossed the line with the Academy Award-winning actress during a recent charity gala. Sources say that after Galifianakis sarcastically introduced Kidman as “Tom Cruise’s second-best ex-wife,” tensions reached a boiling point.
“She laughed politely at first,” said one attendee, “but something in her eyes changed. Nicole stopped smiling, stared directly into Zach’s soul, and whispered something nobody else could hear. He hasn’t been the same since.“
Galifianakis’ representatives deny reports that he’s been shaken by Kidman’s vow, dismissing it as Hollywood gossip. Yet eyewitnesses claim that the actor has grown increasingly paranoid, canceling appearances, frequently changing phone numbers, and allegedly hiring a specialized team of security personnel.
“Nicole Kidman isn’t playing around,” stated one anonymous insider familiar with her plans. “Zach made a critical mistake underestimating her. She’s strategic, calculated, and relentless.”
According to sources close to Kidman, the actress spent the past weekend binge-watching Galifianakis’ filmography, “mostly The Hangover Part III and that dumb one where he played a spy or whatever,” taking detailed notes on his strengths and weaknesses. One friend recounted that Kidman coldly declared afterward, “His career was built on cringe. I’ll tear it down brick by uncomfortable brick.“
Industry analysts remain uncertain exactly how Kidman plans to execute her revenge. However, multiple sources have independently confirmed that she recently contacted Bradley Cooper and Ed Helms, Galifianakis’ former “Hangover” co-stars, possibly seeking damaging information.
“She’s deadly serious,” warned one agent familiar with both actors. “Zach joked himself into a corner this time. Nicole’s coming for him, and it won’t be a bit.“
While Kidman’s representatives refused to comment publicly, Galifianakis briefly addressed the situation during an awkward impromptu interview with TMZ yesterday.
“Nicole? Great actress, sure,” he stammered nervously. “But I think this is just a misunderstanding. Please stop filming.“
The cameraman continued recording, capturing Galifianakis fumbling anxiously with his car keys and muttering, “She can’t be serious…can she?“
Hollywood waits breathlessly for Kidman’s next move. Whatever happens next, the message is clear: Nicole Kidman isn’t fucking around anymore.
