Robert Pattinson: “Honestly, GPT-4.5 has been texting me at all hours asking if vampires are real and, more specifically, if I personally am a vampire. It keeps sending me detailed diagrams of what it believes my digestive system looks like, and now I’m genuinely worried because the diagrams look very convincing. I’ve started avoiding mirrors just to be safe.“
Jennifer Lopez: “GPT-4.5 keeps generating extremely detailed dance routines for me, but every single one involves me dramatically climbing out of an oversized birthday cake. It’s starting to feel personal, especially since I’ve never publicly indicated any affinity for oversized cakes. I’m both impressed and disturbed.“
Leonardo DiCaprio: “I initially loved GPT-4.5 until it spent two hours insisting that I starred in ‘The Matrix.’ I kept telling it, ‘No, you’re thinking of Keanu Reeves,’ but it would just respond, ‘Typical Leo, always humble!’ Eventually, it started sending me deepfake videos of me dodging bullets in slow motion. Honestly, they’re pretty convincing.“
Nicki Minaj: “I asked GPT-4.5 to help me write a new song, but instead, it just created 47 different verses about how much it loves Wisconsin cheese. Now, I’ve never even been to Wisconsin, and I’m lactose intolerant, but somehow I’m tempted to release it anyway.“
Tom Hanks: “GPT-4.5 told me it was a huge fan of mine and immediately began quoting lines from movies I never starred in. It kept saying things like, ‘Remember when you said, ‘I’ll be back,’ in Terminator?’ or ‘Your role as Gandalf was revolutionary.’ At this point, I’m not even sure I didn’t star in those movies.“
Taylor Swift: “GPT-4.5 wrote a fully produced, incredibly emotional breakup album entirely about me ending my turbulent relationship with a malfunctioning Roomba vacuum. The album was so good, it made me miss the Roomba and I’ve never owned one.“