Los Angeles, CA – Hollywood icon Keanu Reeves, known for his timeless looks and brooding action roles, was spotted this weekend peddling jars of what he claims is a “miracle anti-aging cream” at a flea market in downtown LA. The John Wick star, clad in a suspiciously pristine trench coat and sporting a pair of dollar-store sunglasses, reportedly drew a crowd of confused bargain hunters as he shouted sales pitches over the din of knockoff Gucci vendors.
“I’ve been 60 for, like, 20 years now,” Reeves allegedly told a skeptical shopper, holding up a mason jar filled with a murky white goo. “This stuff? It’s the real deal. I slather it on every night, and boom, I’m still kicking demon ass in Constantine 2 prep.” When pressed on the ingredients, Reeves winked and said, “Let’s just say it’s a blend of motorcycle exhaust, green tea, and a little something I scraped off the Matrix set.“
Eyewitnesses say the scene unfolded around 10 a.m. Saturday at the Melrose Trading Post, where Reeves had set up a folding table next to a guy selling vintage Beanie Babies. “He kept calling it ‘Keanu’s Eternal Youth Juice,’” said local shopper Tammy Rodriguez, 34. “I bought a jar for $15, mostly because I felt bad for him. It smells like WD-40 and tyre smoke, but my skin does feel oddly smooth today.“
ust last month, director Justin Lin revealed to Collider that Reeves swooped in to save his indie flick Last Days by making desperate funding calls, proving the man’s hustle knows no bounds. And with his voice cameo as a talking building in Severance Season 2 confirmed by Apple PR in January, it’s clear Reeves is leaning hard into his weirder side.
Not everyone was buying it, though. “I asked for proof it works, and he just stared at me with those sad puppy eyes and said, ‘Trust the vibe, man,’” grumbled retiree Carl Jenkins, 67. “Then he tried to upsell me a signed Bill & Ted VHS for $50. I’m not that gullible.“
The flea market fiasco comes hot on the heels of Reeves’ latest career pivot: a comedy flick with Cameron Diaz called Outcome, where, according to co-star Roy Wood Jr. at Sundance, he doesn’t throw a single punch. Could this cream-peddling stint be a cry for help from a man tired of dodging bullets and demons? Or is it just Keanu being Keanu, too pure, too chaotic, too ageless for this world?
By Sunday, the table was gone, replaced by a guy hawking “genuine” Bigfoot hair. Reeves, meanwhile, was spotted zipping away on his ARCH Motorcycle, leaving behind a trail of bewildered fans and a lingering scent of motor oil and mystery. Whether his cream is legit or just another Hollywood hustle, one thing’s for sure: Keanu Reeves remains the most unpredictable 60-year-old on the planet.
