Fans have been eagerly waiting over a decade for Grand Theft Auto VI, desperate for even a glimpse of the game after the infamous leaks and eventually the first trailer reveal. We managed to get our hands on an exclusive leaked copy that mysteriously found its way into our hands (don’t ask, don’t tell). The game is watermarked, so we can only describe the experience.
While fans eagerly await a second official trailer, we’ve spent over 30 hours exploring the streets, suburbs, and shockingly dull routines of Rockstar’s latest fictional metropolis, Vice City. Early impressions suggest Rockstar has doubled down on realism, perhaps a bit too literally.
Right from the start, GTA 6 plunges you headfirst into the gritty, unglamorous world of adult responsibility. Forget speeding down neon-lit boulevards in stolen sports cars or orchestrating heists, your first mission is filling out tax forms. Yes, taxes. Rockstar, famous for creating worlds free of rules and limitations, now forces players to grapple with W-2s, 1099s, and audits from an aggressively relentless fictional IRS named the Internal Revenue Enforcement Squad (IRES).
But taxation is just the tip of the iceberg. Our character, an ex-con named Mike Freeman, is released from prison into immediate debt. Forget sprawling mansions and limitless wealth; Mike owes six figures in unpaid child support, student loans for a degree in “Advanced Philosophy,” and credit card bills from buying too many sneakers on Vice City’s new in-game shopping app, FleecaCart.
Rockstar also introduces an all-new employment mechanic, where players are required to hold down a steady, mundane 9-to-5 job or risk losing their tiny rented apartment. Job options include riveting positions like data entry clerk, gas station attendant, or pet groomer. While initially novel, spending hours grooming pixelated poodles quickly becomes tiresome, especially after discovering there’s literally no way to steal anything from the grooming salon. Trust us, we tried.
Family responsibilities also play a prominent role, ensuring players experience the soul-crushing weight of adulthood in all its glory. Side missions involve attending parent-teacher conferences, therapy sessions, and awkwardly trying to connect with your virtual teenage son who thinks you’re “cringe.” Failing these missions negatively impacts your “Mental Health” stat, leading to mandatory meditation sessions narrated by a remarkably uninspired Matthew McConaughey impersonator.
In an especially bold move, Rockstar has introduced random life-altering events. On our first playthrough, Mike unexpectedly contracted a rare and aggressive form of cancer. After a couple of unsuccessful rounds of chemo, our character tragically died, leaving behind a grieving family burdened by massive medical debt. The family’s home was swiftly foreclosed by the bank, forcing them into homelessness, which Rockstar gleefully refers to as “immersive gameplay.”
Rockstar’s push for hyper-realism even extends to minor gameplay mechanics. Cars need gas and regular oil changes, failing which will render your vehicle unusable, forcing you to endure painfully slow rideshares driven by NPCs who won’t stop talking about their side hustles. Eating junk food now comes with genuine health consequences, including having to schedule and actually show up for doctor’s appointments.
But it’s not all bad. GTA 6 maintains Rockstar’s dark humor and biting satire, cleverly parodying the tedium of modern life. During our playthrough, we encountered a hilarious side quest where Mike attempts to cancel his gym membership. An impossible task requiring a 45-minute phone call, faxing documents (yes, faxing), and ultimately having to threaten legal action.
Graphically, the game is stunning, capturing every miserable detail of daily existence, from overflowing recycling bins to realistic sweat stains appearing on your character’s cheap work shirts.
Our verdict? Rockstar has successfully blurred the line between reality and gaming. GTA 6 isn’t merely a game; it’s a deeply unsettling simulation of adult life, offering players a uniquely masochistic experience. Prepare to clock in, buckle down, and wonder why escaping reality ever sounded appealing in the first place.
