In an exclusive reveal with Vanflip, Zac Efron has decided to flush away the secrecy and share his personal rankings of music festival toilets worldwide. Brace yourself for a journey from the utterly appalling to the surprisingly sublime as we count down from number 10 to Zac’s top pick.
10. The Quagmire Quandary: Bonnaroo, USA
“Starting off our list is Bonnaroo’s infamous bog,” Zac grimaces. “Imagine sinking into a quagmire as you attempt to navigate your way to what can only be described as a portal to hell. It’s a sticky, stinky affair that tests your will to… go. Rating: 1.5/10, because sometimes, adversity builds character.”
9. The Heatwave Hellhole: Coachella, USA
“At number nine, Coachella’s sweltering saunas masquerading as toilets. It’s a brutal blend of heat, sweat, and substances best left unnamed. Each breath is a battle, and every moment spent inside feels like an eternity. Rating: 2/10, because surviving it feels like an achievement.”
8. The Neon Nightmare: Tomorrowland, Belgium
“Belgium’s Tomorrowland offers a neon nightmare that’s part disco, part dystopia,” Zac recounts with a mix of amusement and horror. “The psychedelic lights do little to distract from the olfactory offense. It’s a trip, alright. Rating: 3/10, for the effort to entertain amidst the chaos.”
7. The Arctic Adventure: Iceland Airwaves
“The chilly challenge of Iceland Airwaves’ facilities earns the seventh spot. It’s like entering a freezer, with the added thrill of trying not to become a popsicle mid-squat. Rating: 4/10, for the invigorating experience, if you’re into that sort of thing.”
6. The Festival Flusher: Lollapalooza, USA
“Midway through the list is Lollapalooza’s surprisingly decent attempt at festival sanitation. It’s a no-frills, functional experience that gets the job done. Rating: 5/10, for meeting the basic expectations of what a toilet should be.”
5. The Disco Dump: Glastonbury, UK
“Glastonbury’s Disco Dump dazzles with its attempt to make the necessary a bit more festive. It’s a glittering diversion that almost makes you forget where you are. Almost. Rating: 6/10, for the attempt to glam up the grim.”
4. The Zen Zone: Fuji Rock, Japan
“Fuji Rock in Japan presents a porcelain paradox,” Zac reflects, visibly impressed. “It’s the calm in the eye of the storm, offering a moment of Zen amidst the festival frenzy. Clean, orderly, and surprisingly tranquil. Rating: 7.5/10, for a brief escape to serenity.”
3. The Eco Eden: Shambhala, Canada
“Claiming the third spot is Shambhala’s Eco Eden. It’s a green dream where composting toilets offer a guilt-free relief. The fresh air and lack of chemical smells are a revelation. Rating: 8.5/10, for sustainability that doesn’t stink.”
2. The Lavish Lavatory: Sziget, Hungary
“Near the pinnacle of porta-potties is Sziget’s Lavish Lavatory. It’s an unexpected slice of luxury in the least likely of places. Lavender scents, cleanliness, and actual privacy make it a festival toilet unicorn. Rating: 9/10, for making me forget I was at a festival at all.”
1. The Burning Man Oasis: Burning Man, USA
“Top honors go to Burning Man’s composting toilets. Amidst the desert’s harshness, these facilities are a beacon of hope and hygiene. Solar-powered, eco-friendly, and astonishingly odor-free, they’re a testament to what can be achieved with a bit of innovation. Rating: 9.5/10, for showing us the light at the end of the tunnel is not always an oncoming train.”
Zac Efron’s foray into the world of festival toilets uncovers the highs and lows of outdoor event sanitation. His detailed accounts and varied ratings showcase a wide range of experiences, from the dreadfully dismal to the surprisingly sublime. This guide not only entertains but also illuminates the often overlooked aspect of festival culture, offering a cheeky yet insightful exploration of what it means to truly embrace every facet of the festival experience.
