Former Slipknot drummer Jay Weinberg announced today that he will be focusing on his next venture: revenge. The musician, who was abruptly fired from the band recently via text message, claimed that he will make the lives of his former bandmates a living nightmare.
Someone from Weinberg’s inner circle, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said the drummer was “devastated” by his dismissal from the heavy metal group. However, he has quickly bounced back and is now devising elaborate schemes to exact his revenge.
“Jay is not one to take things lying down,” the source said. “He’s not just going to sit around and mope about losing his spot in one of the world’s most successful metal bands. No, he’s going to make sure they regret ever crossing him.“
According to insider sources, Weinberg’s plan involves a series of destructive acts designed to sabotage the band’s upcoming performances. Some of the rumored acts include blowing up their tour bus, poisoning their catered meals, and hiring a pack of rabid raccoons to infest their dressing rooms.
When asked for comment, a representative for Slipknot responded with a nervous, “We’re not afraid of Jay’s childish antics. Bring it on.” However, sources within the band suggest that they are already panicking about the potential damage Weinberg could cause.
In a desperate bid to preempt their former drummer’s schemes, the band has reportedly hired a team of private investigators to monitor Weinberg’s every move. But as one anonymous source put it, “You can’t stop a man who has nothing left to lose.“
In other news, Slipknot’s new drummer, a man who goes by the moniker “Papa Strokes,” has released a statement saying he is “absolutely thrilled” to be joining the band. However, sources close to Weinberg say that he is now focused on ensuring Papa Strokes’ time with the band is as miserable as possible.
