Legendary thrash metal band, Slayer, has announced their highly anticipated reunion, shaking the music world to its core. But don’t get too excited, because after digging through their discography, it’s clear that they haven’t written a single good song in the last 30 fucking years.
The iconic band, known for their aggressive guitar riffs and grating vocals, decided to put their differences aside and join forces once again. This time, they’re bringing back the old-school sound that made them famous in the first place. However, it seems like the only people who give a rat’s ass about this reunion are the 50-year-old dads still rocking out in their mom’s basements.
In an effort to reignite the fire that once burned so brightly, Slayer has released a new single called “The Seventh Seal of Shit.” The song, which features a whopping 10-second guitar solo and lyrics about “eating maggots for breakfast,” has received mixed reviews from fans and critics alike. Most agree that it sounds like a cheap knockoff of Metallica’s “Enter Sandman.”
Slayer’s drummer, Dave Lombardo, had this to say about the reunion: “We’re just doing this for the money. We know our fans want more of the same old crap, so that’s exactly what we’re giving them. Plus, we heard that fucking Nickelback is making a comeback, and we can’t let those talentless hacks steal our spotlight.“
As for the rest of the music industry, they couldn’t care less about Slayer’s reunion. When asked about the band’s return, Justin Bieber simply replied, “Who?”
So there you have it, folks. Slayer is back, and they’re ready to bring their unique brand of mediocrity back to the masses. But seriously, does anyone remember that fucking awesome Nirvana song “Smells Like Teen Spirit”? That shit was fire.
