Last night, I found myself in the most unbelievable situation of my life: I did cocaine with the one and only Lana Del Rey at this popular LA nightclub that I’m definitely not going to name because I don’t want to get in trouble, you know?
Now, I’m not one to just casually do drugs with celebrities, but when I saw her standing there, looking like a sultry, slightly stoned angel in a vintage slip dress, I knew I had to make a move. So, I strolled right up to her, and in the most suave and confident voice I could muster, I said, “Hey, Lana Del Rey, do you want to do some coke with me? I swear it’s the purest stuff you’ve ever tasted.“
To my absolute astonishment, she looked up at me with those big, doe-like eyes and said, “Oh, uh, sure. Why not?” So there we were, in this dimly lit corner of the nightclub, with me and Lana Del Rey properly sniffing lines of high-quality coke. It was like a dream come true.
But you know what? After we did the coke, I couldn’t help but feel like she didn’t even notice me. Like, I was just some random guy at the nightclub, and she was Lana fucking Del Rey. I mean, I’m not saying I expected her to marry me or anything, but a little bit of gratitude for sharing my expensive coke would have been nice.
As the night went on, I found myself getting more and more pissed off at Lana Del Rey. I mean, here I was, sharing my coke with her and she was teaching me how to do it properly, and she just couldn’t even be bothered to acknowledge my presence. It was like I was invisible or something.
Finally, I had had enough. I walked right up to her, got in her face, and shouted, “Hey, Lana Del Rey! Do you even know who I am? I’m the guy who shared his coke with you last night, you ungrateful bitch!” And then I just walked away, feeling like a total badass.
So, there you have it. I did cocaine with Lana Del Rey at a popular LA nightclub, and she didn’t even notice me. But honestly, who cares? I had a great time, and I’ll always have that memory to look back on and laugh about.